I (50F) want to kill my kid (8M)

I've been married to kids dad (51M) for 8 years. Second marriage for both. Have 2 other kids 24M (mine) and 18M (his). My oldest moved to his Dad's for community college and his oldest splits his time between us and his mom.We all are ADD / ADHD. The middle and youngest are on Concerta. We are all hyper intelligent - IQ all over 140. The gobsmacking part is the kids keep doing uncharacteristically (but characteristic for THEM) stupid things, ALL the time.The 8 yo doesn't eat, won't listen, backtalks, won't go to bed, gets into EVERYONE'S things and frequently breaks or loses them, he sneaks around, gets up in the middle of the night and plays video games or watches cartoons in the TV room downstairs and more. All the talking to, time outs, spankings, grounding, hiding remotes and other electronics, password protection hasn't worked. He just finds everything and figures out a way to get around our "protections".I have tried reading stories (this will go on for 2 hours if I let it), melatonin tablets, and even going to bed with him (I fall asleep before he does).We are on 3 waiting lists for counselling, all of them well over a year wait. He sees a pediatric behaviour specialist (over 4 years now) and they are aware of my concerns.I am at my wits end. I have been chronically sleep deprived for at least 7 years. I'm hyper negative about everything. I'm angry all the time. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Nobody in the family understands what I go through on a daily basis with EVERYONE. I can't unwind. Sometimes a morning or bedtime goes smoothly, but it's rare, once a month or so. I'm honestly surprised I'm not an alcoholic, which runs in my family. I'm too broke to be on drugs, and I wouldn't know where to get them anyway. I have no friends. I enjoy my work and that's about it but I have a hard time concentrating on that even.The 18yo doesn't help matters. He backtalks everyone but his dad, is irresponsible but demands we give him adult privileges (and has since he was 12), is spoiled by his mother and one paternal aunt, is lazy, selfish, self-centered, self absorbed, does nothing for anyone unless there is some immediate benefit for him, and entitled. He finished 4 years of high school this past June and flunked so many classes he still needs 6 credits to graduate (yes with a 146 IQ). And his dad turns a blind eye to all of this (he never sees the shite) and his mother tries to be his friend and not his PARENT.I just keep wishing the 2 youngest would disappear... or I could run away. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2cm1uPr