Last week I posted this:This is from an article about how a book helped a girl with her depression and she's describing her depression:the way it sucked the enjoyment out of everything I once loved. I could no longer feel the release that a hard workout at the gym gave me after a tough day. Spending time with even my best friends was more exhausting than fun. All my greatest passions became things that I used to do — just as the driven, enthusiastic person all my loved ones had once known became someone that I used to be.Well, earlier this week, I took Kaiser Permanente's "Depression Self-Assessment" and it turns out that I am Severely Depressed.I went to the doctor and he says at my level of depression, he's willing to recommend antidepressants.The three options he gave me were:Do nothingExercise 30 minutes of hard cardio a day/See a TherapistDrugsHe said he was willing to recommend either 2 or 3, but that he would probably jump straight to 3. However, I've always had an aversion to drugs, so I'm going with option #2 and signing up for therapy sessions and have already started with the exercise last night and this morning.We agreed that we would see how that goes and if things don't improve in a few months, then we could look at doing drugs.It's weird. I always resisted the thought that I was CLINICALLY depressed. I just thought I was a pessimist. I had had times in my life when I was definitely depressed and wanted to kill myself, and I've always despised myself for various things. But I didn't think I was CLINICALLY depressed.And buddhism and meditation helped me tremendously. My wife's optimism helped me tremendously. She gave me reasons to continue living.Well, it turns out that with the stress of having a baby, it put me over the edge. All the other signs of depression are there - the lack of interest in things I used to love, the fatigue, the irritability, the food binges. The flashes of "I could just whip this car right off the road and end it all... but, you know, that would really hurt my wife and my son, so that's probably not a good idea to do, I guess."And I hadn't really thought about what I was saying when I was telling people that the only reason I'm here on earth is because of the love of my wife and my son and the baby on the way. They're my only reasons for living. Putting that in perspective, it really does drive home the fact that I am clinically depressed, and that I need help.But now that I know, for a fact, what's wrong, and have admitted it, I can already feel a difference. It's a sense of relief. Of nakedness. My shame is no longer there. This is something that I can now admit to without feeling bad about it, because it's a medical thing. It's no longer just me being weak and pathetic. There's a reason for why I've been the way I am.My wife is relieved. Now that she understands what's going on, she has also changed her attitude from one in which she's mad at me for "having a bad attitude" to "we're in this together, we can fix this together as a team".And the exercise, if I push myself hard enough, is already helping. I got that "runner's high" for the first time in YEARS last night. My body is sore, but it's a good sore.I know I can do this. I have to. My family is counting on me to do it. But I have to want it for myself, as well, and I do. I want to change. I can't keep doing this. It's not fair to them, and I'm not enjoying life. Life should be enjoyable.Anyway, the doctor is going to have a follow-up appointment with me in 3 weeks, and he's also done blood tests and he'll give me those results next week (I got them already in my email and some of them look like they're fine and others I can't tell whether they're good or bad), so if there's anything else wrong with me that might be causing the fatigue, he'll let me know about that too.But he says no matter what, the depression is something that has to be treated, regardless of whether or not I have a glandular problem or anything. The exercise should also help with any weight issues or prediabetes or whatever, too.Anyway, thanks for helping me think about all of this. You may have saved my life. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/29laIOe
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