I hate Easter with ever fiber of my being.

Always have. Of all the religious holidays, it's the most ridiculous, completely unbelievable, ludicrous premise. And then we layer on an even more preposterous story about a giant rabbit hiding eggs around the yard....eggs. Um...hello....rabbits are MAMMALS. THEY DON'T LAY EGGS!!! And the whole celebration is just annoying and lame. First my wife makes us all get dressed up in the morning and drags our asses to church, where no matter how hard we try, we never manage to get there early enough to get a seat, meaning we stand in the entryway freezing our asses off in a standing-room-only crowd with two small children who can't stand still to save their life and usually end up leaving five minutes in because they're making a scene. Then we have to stay in our uncomfortable clothes all goddamned day and play host to a bunch of people at our house or drive across town to someone else's, wasting the entire day for "brunch" which I believe is French for "shitty food that no one would eat at a real meal". There's never any alcohol and everyone is just being polite and playing along pretending to enjoy themselves when in reality all they want to do is go home and watch basketball or whatever. Sorry for the rant, but I just hate it so much. I realize now why my family didn't celebrate it when I was a kid. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GLjh5z

I really regret parenthood...

I've been needing to get this "out" for awhile. Even on a throwaway account with a bunch of strangers.First, I should note and emphasize that I love my son and would NEVER do anything to harm him in any way. Including showing him any sort of resentment. He's an incredible little human, and I strive every day to be the best mother I can be despite my feelings about motherhood.I loathe motherhood, and I massively regret it. My husband and I had several fun years of partying and travelling together. We had careers, owned our home, stable finances, hobbies, and a happy marriage. We were in our late 20s. We were on the fence about having kids, but we made the decision together. Neither of us pressured, and it was a planned wanted pregnancy.I regretted it the moment my son came wailing into the world. Immediately. I had no sense of bonding, and I was irritated that I was now completely at his service. It didn't help that he was a colicky miserable high needs baby, but it never really did get better. Easier in some ways, but never better. One phase to the next. He's 2.5 now. He's still a spirited high needs child, but he's very advanced. He's well behaved.I enjoy brief moments. The first steps, his developing personality, and so on. It was cute watching him look for Easter eggs this morning. But I could and would EASILY trade all those moments for the opportunity to travel back in time and not have kids. In an instant. It's just not worth it for me. The special moments are so far outweighed by frustration, tantrums, or just the never ending grind of the routine with a toddler. It's so. Damn. Boring. And unfulfilling.I'm pregnant again, and this one my husband did pressure for. I fucking hate being pregnant. I want a beer. I want to do what I want to do without my body being an incubator. And the dread of starting all the way over with a screaming newborn and no sleep. To go through all the frustrating phases all over again. On top of dealing with whatever developmental magic my son is going through. The thought of it makes me want to change my identity and leave the country.My husband is very helpful. He actually enjoys spending time with our son. Sitting on the floor and playing toy cars for more than 10 seconds is fun for him. But just the nature of motherhood, my life has changed much more than his has. And I resent that too.We haven't let kids slow us down all that much. I work full time. My husband just went on a motorcycle trip through Mexico, and I'm conditioning my two horses for endurance riding. I refuse to give up riding, despite the pregnancy. We go out, we have date nights, we travel. But the logistics of life with a toddler and soon to be baby and toddler is just harder. And I hate it. He's at daycare all day, and any time somebody else wants to watch him for the evening, I'm thrilled. I never crave to spend quality time with him.I was diagnosed with PPD (are you surprised?), and I tried three different medications as well as talk therapy for 18mos with two separate therapists. None of it helped. I'm not depressed. I actually feel quite vibrant and eager to live my life. I just really dislike life as a parent. Short of medicating me into a coma, that feeling isn't going away.I'm clinging to hope that parenthood will get better??? As kids get older, perhaps??? When I'm not having to plan my life around nap time to avoid tantrums and I'm not in world peace negotiations about if underwear is worn over or under pants?And I know how selfish and bitter this sounds. I HATE that I feel this way. I wouldn't have made a child had I known I'd be like this. I wish I could love motherhood. Everyone talks about how special and magical and precious it is, and I'm just not feeling it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pXRntu

Why I stopped nit-picking my ex-husband.

My ex and I are buddies. Both engaged to be re-married to awesome people in the coming months. But I inspire a lot of anxiety in him, because for years, more than half my communications with him about our daughter and his parenting were naggy, critical, and sometimes downright hurtful.Without going into a ton of detail, my daughter lives with him full-time right now. I live 2,000 miles away for work and come back once a month for about a week and a half to live in his guest room and take over Mom-duty. I will be returning to live back home full-time this summer, so no more long-distance momming. (Yay! So glad to be coming back. This has been a hard chapter.)Her dad and I are different kinds of parents. I am definitely more Type A. Which means I have a tendency to be very critical of his laid back parenting style. He tends to just fly by the seat of his pants and trust that she is okay. I never assume she’ll just “be okay.” I assume the best, but I still work hard to keep myself in check as a parent.I have criticized him so much. I criticize for how often he leaves her with grandparents to spend time with his girlfriend or play in his band. I criticize the fact that he never volunteers in our daughter’s class at school. I criticize that he regularly doesn’t pay attention to what’s happening at her school—he forgets to turn in her library book. Forgets that it’s crazy hat day, so she is the only one at school without one. Forgets that there is no school because of XYZ observance, so one time he actually had his grandparents take her to school when no one was there. He lets her be a picky eater (he is one too) and doesn’t give her enough fruits and veggies. He doesn’t clean the house hardly at all, so when I show up, it might be filthy and her room (which I keep extremely well-organized) is trashed. He forgets her allergy meds, doesn’t follow up on doctor appointments quickly enough, and doesn’t trim her nails often enough. He has to be reminded about EVERYTHING, and will even say, “Text me to remind me about XYZ thing,” instead of just being an adult and putting a damn reminder in his phone. He is always “so busy.” He looks at his phone too much when they’re together.I have complained about these things and everyone sided with me. Including his family.But then I see her with her dad.I didn’t have a relationship with my dad. At her age, I was terrified of him. And he and I don’t talk now.But she loves her daddy. And it is obvious that he loves her. He makes her giggle and laugh every day. He plays board games with her. He listens to her when she’s mad or sad. And he supports me as her mom, too. He reminds her often how much Mommy loves her, even if she had to live far away right now. When I send home letters and gifts, they open them together. He always makes sure she and I get our 3-4 Skype-Bedtime nights per week where I read to her and sing to her.I was always so upset with him and looking for the next thing he would do wrong.I said that it’s because I want what’s best for my daughter. And what’s best for her is for her dad to change.But slowly I could see that it was eroding our relationship as friends and co-parents.And his dad (who serves as my adoptive dad) reminded me, “He’s not perfect. He’s also a very different type of parent than you are.”So, I’ve worked hard to leave my frustrations and vent with my friends and fiancé and family.I let go of trying to change and control him and put that energy into just trying to pick up the slack and work hard at lifting him up instead of putting him down.Letting go of being critical has served my daughter so much better than criticizing her dad, putting him in such a foul mood and feeling so worthless that it was harder for him to extend the patience and gentleness that our daughter needs more than she needs a perfectly spotless bathroom or perfectly manicured nails.What hurts her more? A library book that doesn’t get turned in at school? Or an inexplicable negative energy between her parents whom she loves and needs so much?I think long term, he’s going to have some unique difficulties with her as she gets older and feels like her dad doesn’t quite know or understand her. (Hell, maybe she’ll feel that way with me no matter how hard I work to mitigate that.) My ex had that relationship with his parents—they were far more concerned with themselves than they were with knowing him, and it hurt him. I can see him repeating the pattern with our daughter, where to him their relationship is “fine” and “good enough” but he still doesn’t make an effort to make many special memories with her in lieu of practicing and playing shows with his band.But I know him well enough to know that they’ll work that out later. And he will. He puts effort in to those kinds of things—cure over prevention.Anyway, I just wanted to express that. I love her dad very much. There are ways in which he is more skilled than me. And I still wanna bite his head off, often.But I’m going to put that away and give my daughter what she really needs, which is a good example.And I will just keep cleaning the shxt out of the house when I’m there like I always do, and keep my mouth shut, and say positive things. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Ebt7bS

One final update...

The original post: https://ift.tt/2EbT4b6 news everyone, everything has worked out so far. I originally went for an ex parte, but because of it being a holiday weekend and spring break, it was impossible to get in front of a judge. Luckily, my ex has been cooperative through all of this, he ended up kicking his wife out on his own and agreed to allow the kids to stay with me at least while this investigation is going on. Since he and I are getting along so nicely for the boys sake, I'm going for a stipulation instead of an ex parte, which thankfully he agreed to.My boys are safe you guys!! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GN69wS

owning it

Not surprisingly, my middle school aged kids make mistakes...and then they endure the consequences accordingly (eg, loss of TV time, electronics time, early bed time, etc).The pattern I’d like to address is how poorly they handle the consequences immediately after receiving the punishment. They consistently react with excuses and blame...which then further increases the severity of their punishment.My issue is not how to prevent mistakes. My concern is how to help these kids learn the concept of accountability. And to acknowledge that their mistake might actually be their own fault. Curious to hear how you’ve eventually handled this successfully. I know this is a gradual process, but just wanted to try to get a sense of whether or not I could be taking a more effective approach. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GF89aH

Ex girlfriend wants partial custody over our daughter after disappearing for 9 years

My ex girlfriend and the mother of my daughter disappeared from our lives 9 years ago. She just up and left without so much as a word. My daughter was 3 at the time.My ex and I were drawn to each other under tumultuous circumstances. I'm originally from Ghana, but when I was 18 I gained a scholarship at a German university. My ex is German and we met at university. We were both 20 when our daughter was born. We had a problem with drugs and alcohol.In Ghana, I grew up an orphan (parents abandoned me at birth) and lived on the streets for a while as a kid, and abusing substances helped me deal with some of the trauma from childhood. I started drinking alcohol (cheap stuff concocted on the streets of Ghana) when I was 14. I was an alcoholic by 17, but somehow, I always managed to do well in school, hence the scholarship.My ex also had a problem with substance abuse. We would wake up and start drinking at 9am, supplementing the alcohol with stuff like ecstasy and cocaine. We became pregnant (something we didn't plan) and our daughter was born when we were 20. During the pregnancy, we both gave up alcohol and drugs (I've been sober for over 13 years now). However, my ex started drinking and doing drugs again when our daughter was a little over one years old. It was a very tough time. When our baby was 3, she up and left one afternoon. Dropped off our daughter at her sister's when I was working and disappeared. For 9 years. Without a single word. Not me or anyone of her friends or family knew whether she was dead or alive.Her leaving broke my heart, but the biggest sadness I felt was for my daughter. She's my world. She's now 13 years old. She's had some issues due to the absence of her mother. After her mother left, I went back to school part time to complete my bachelor's degree. Shortly after that my daughter and I moved to England (job offer). I got married to a wonderful woman during my time in England and she has become a mother to my daughter (we are expecting twins in September). My wife has a great relationship with our daughter.We came back to Germany last year. That's when my ex, through her sister, got in contact with us. She apologised profusely and said she left because at the time, she was in the midst of a heavy drug addiction. She said she spent the last years moving from place to place while being an addict. She added she has been clean for a year now and that she wants to be in our daughter's life.As you can imagine, her reemergence was a big shock in our lives. My daughter was literally speechless for days. It hit her hard. She says she wants nothing to do with her biological mother. She has refused to see her or talk to her on the phone. She says she already has a mother, and that's my wife. I met my ex on my own and talked to her at length. I informed her of the situation but she is adamant. She says as our daughter's mother, she has a right.She is making a lot of noise about it and has even (laughably so) threatened to make matters legal. Even her own family think her demands are outrageous. All this drama is bringing my daughter down (she's hearing stuff from her cousins) and it kinda makes me wish we remained in the UK (came back to Germany due to a promotion for the international company I work for).It's an unfortunate situation that seems to rise in intensity with each week that passes. Any thoughts from you redditors is welcome. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pW5yyp

My best friend and his wife lost their newborn last year. She wants to try for another, but he's not sure whether he can. Can anyone provide some insight or advice on moving forward from here?

Late last year, I received a phone call in the middle of the night from my best friend's mother. "Jaiden, do you know what's happened?""No? What's up?""You should sit down for this." She paused. Then laboriously, and choking back the pressure of an incoming cry, she said: "[Brand new baby] died."A week later, by some miracle, my family and his scraped together the cash to fly me last minute to him across the country, so I could be there to support him at the funeral. It was a dark time, and leaving the funeral home without baby in arms felt like we were forgetting something.Some time has passed since then. My friend said that it still hurts, but dealing with the pain has since become somewhat easier. He says that even when he's preoccupied, baby never really leaves his thoughts, and that he still tears up thinking about her at least once or twice a day.His spouse wishes to have another baby with him. He says he's not ready; he doesn't know if he could. He feels like it wouldn't be fair to his daughter. Like he wouldn't be able to deliver the love that he should as a parent... Not after what happened.I told him maybe that's not the case. That maybe giving love to a second child would be the closest thing to a catharsis he could achieve. That I've never heard anyone saying they don't love their current child due to the loss of a different one. He acknowledged that it's possible that a lot of people feel like that before trying again, and that another baby could bring him happiness, but he is leaning toward skepticism.I asked him to find some interviews or books or articles about the subject to help him get some perspective on how this kind of thing usually goes. He said he would, but he's practically my brother-- I already know he won't.Maybe stewing over it and decrypting his feelings would be good for him. After all, only you can know for sure how you feel.But also, maybe outside, experienced perspective would provide valuable insight for him. That's why I decided to post to this sub.With hundreds of thousands of subscribers here, some of you are bound to have experienced this before. I don't mean to ask you to dig up unpleasant experiences or reopen your wounds, but I'd like to ask for your input. From one grieving parent to another, what did you decide? What difference has it made in your life, and/or the life of the other parent?If you respond, I can't thank you enough.Jaiden via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pV4sUu