sorry this is long, but please read. Oh and sorry for any typos!Hi everyone, While this isn’t an issue in my relationship yet because I don’t live with my boyfriend yet. This does cross my mind often since we are in a serious relationship.About him- he has 2 children (10,12) he shares custody with his ex and everything is cordial.Me- 1 child- 10 years old -father is not in the picture at all.This is the issue.My daughter is pretty independent. She has no problems, cleaning her room or any mess that she makes. After dinner she’s used to putting her dinnerware in the dishwasher. She’ll even wipe down her mess from the table if she spilled something. She very used to drinking water ALL the time. No issues or complaints it’s just how we’ve always done things.My boyfriend- his two kids have EVERYTHING done for them. I MEAN EVERYTHING. They don’t clean anything, pick up after themselves, clean rooms. Nothing- It just doesn’t exists. After his son (the 10 year old) eats. The table looks like a toddlers had food fights. There’s food on the table, chair, floor. They’ll stack their dishes in the sink with food which is gross when the water mixes with it. And they are ADDICTED TO JUICE. 24/7. EVERY SINGLE DAY. With EVERY MEAL. breakfast lunch and dinner. My boyfriend will make special runs to the stores just to stock up on their juice piles. They always need sweets/ snacks/ junk food. I’m Not saying they’re bad kids. Or he’s a bad parent. And I’m NOT saying my daughter is perfect.I’m just so used to my daughter being so independent. My boyfriend will ask me why do you make her clean up after herself. It’s not a big deal. My response is usually the same. It’s not a big deal to have the kiddos scrape their plates in the trash and put in the dishwasher. (OR AT LEAST THE SINK).And how do you guys do dinner- his kids only eat Mac & cheese, cheese pizza and chicken nuggets. They’re just used to an adult never cooking and always giving them “kid food”.When my daughter my younger I did the complete opposite to avoid that problem. I didn’t want to be in the kitchen making 2 dinners. So she just ate what I ate. We very rarely eat out because I love cooking so much. But they’re used to eating fast food.I’m only nervous because I think about the future and when we live together.What’s the correct way to approach this. To be clear my boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship, no issues at all. We’re both very happy. (I haven’t talked about this because I didn’t want to talk about a “problem” until it was really an issue. We’re not living together and it’ll be at least 6+ months before we do. so why find something to bicker about now? )But how do you approach this.I LOVE cooking. Always in the kitchen. But When they’re over, do I just tell their dad to make their food? (That sounds mean). Am I expected to cook what they’re used to. But I do not want to cook for all of us and have to make them a separate dinner every time. (They’re not toddlers).How do you handle the mess? My daughter will naturally get up and make up her bed and go about her day. Her shoes and toys ALWAYS neatly in bins.What about the juice addiction?I know me giving my daughter juice won’t kill her but if she loves water. Why change it? How you control it when her new siblings always has a juice box, or pouch with them.I just don’t want to sound controlling and have them feel like it’s all my rules, but I also want to keep my daughter independent and healthy.I’m sure they would have the same complaints about me (but they’d say something like let her be a kid. She doesn’t need to clean and juice/snacks are fine).Am I the one who’s too hard on my daughter? (If she were complaining I would understand, but it’s just something we’ve always done. Being a single mom, it was important to have her independent in small ways so I didn’t go crazy. I don’t ask her to do things beyond her capabilities and honestly didn’t think asking a child to clean their room or put dirty clothes in a hamper would kill them.Please give advice. And I know I know I can just talk to my boyfriend but I want to be transparent. If I’m in the A-hole then I’ll find ways to change and adapt.Thank you! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/354I2DS
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