Would anyone be willing to give me some advice regarding my father :(

I'm really sorry if this is not the place to post this, but I've searched for a while and can't find a sub for parenting advice thats seems as active as this one. I'm going to jump straight in and hope for the best. I'm 18 now, around 2 years ago I really started to recognise my fathers unhealthy behaviour. When I was young it started with belittling me about being overweight, which turned into bullying to the point of panic attacks. He would shout at me over every small mistake I made, displayed cruel verbal behaviour to my mother and generally made us both feel inferior as often as he got the chance, although I'm not sure it was always a conscious decision, I think he just feels the need to punish what he sees as stupidity. I know this isn't very extreme behaviour, and definitely not abuse, but I feel it has impacted me a lot, my mother too. I now find myself going weeks without replying to his texts, saying I'll see him and skipping it, only to feel guilty whenim reminded of his existence. If there were no reminders of him by text/seeing fathers in tv shows etc, I'm not sure I'd even remember his existence. I feel awful though. He's always tried to talk to me and give me insight about depression, and always told me he loves me. I feel so conflicted. Am I being cruel with my behaviour? Do I find no difficulty ignoring him because of what he's done? Or is his behaviour not even worth mentioning? I'm sorry for the messy post I just want some help via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2VWh7Wr