[vent] Feel like I'm drowning.

I have two daughters, 7 and 5. My wife and I both work full-time. I have a bit of flexibility with my job in that I'm able to work from home when the need arises. We've leaned heavily on this flexibility in the past and will need continue to do so in the foreseeable future. I feel confident that if I were to change jobs right now I would not be able to have that sort of leverage.The workload at home has never been evenly distributed. Even when my wife was SAHM, I did almost everything around the house, and we hired a maid service for the things that I couldn't get to. Once my wife started working (2018), it all began to rest on my shoulders. All the cooking, all the cleaning, laundry, getting kids ready for school, picking up/dropping off. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. In order to get my wife to do things, I have to nag her, and I FUCKING HATE HAVING TO NAG. I don't even need her to clean the bathrooms, I just need her to clean up after her own self. And apparently this is too much to ask.Within the last few months, things have gone way south. She hurt her knee to the point where it's all that she can do to get through her workday and then collapse onto the couch all evening and weekend. I feel like a single parent with three daughters. It is all on me. I have no backup. If something were to happen to me, this family would be up a fucking creek. On top of it, one of my colleagues on another project took an extended leave of absence and my company has asked me to fill in for his responsibilities in addition to my own already-crammed-to-the-gills workload.There is no family around that can help. We are relatively new to the area so we don't have a ton of friends that we can lean on for support.My health is starting to suffer. I had made some great strides last year, personally, losing 50 lbs. In the last 3 months I've gained 30 of it back. I've been doing a lot of self-medicating just to cope with this and I'm worried that I'm going to start falling back into some of the same unhealthy patterns that got me to a very bad place before kids came along.I've asked my doctor for a referral to a therapist and I'm going to pursue that. But I gotta be honest, I'm feeling really bleak right now. Everything feels shitty. Everything is falling apart. I have no joy. I have no hope. I'm just trying to keep my family together and I feel like I'm failing. The kids have minimum days all week (parent/teacher conferences) and I'm working from home so that I can keep an eye on them. And I have a lot of work that needs to get done, so I'm just basically letting them veg out on movies and video games so that I can focus on work...not that I'm having much success with that. They're still coming in and interrupting me all day long. And I'm being short with them...and mean. They're getting the absolute worst of me every day. I try to make it up for them on the weekends, but I have so little left in the tank by that point, and I still have to do the housework, the shopping, yardwork, etc..I just have no energy left to spend fun time with them. I just end up spoiling them with easy things like going out to eat or going to a movie.I feel like a fucking failure. I am failing my kids. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XbMwV2