I have a zesty and very verbal 4 y/o boy, and our nanny has worked for us and was entirely lovely for two years prior to deciding to go for assisted fertility and become a single mother by choice. We absolutely supported her. Prior to her maternity leave, she was paid $30/hr for 5hrs a day (the gap between when my son gets off preschool and I'm able to get home from work), but we reached the agreement that she would take a cut to $25/hr in exchange for her being able to bring her baby to work with her when she returned to us 6 weeks pp.My son previously LOVED his nanny, and enjoyed that she took him the places like the park, yoga, kids sports, nature walks, every single day. She was very hands-on with him, and they even went swimming together two days a week, which he absolutely adored.However, since she's returned from leave with her baby, it feels as though my son is taking the back seat. They no longer go swimming, yoga classes, most physical activities have been cut. She insists on babywearing at all times, which has meant that my son is no longer able to be picked up and soothed when he needs to be, and she's become very hands-off. She also practices skin-to-skin often, which means that she's topless in our home in front of our son quite often. She also exclusively breastfeeds and has been having a lot of difficulty with that, in that she will do skin-to-skin for hours on end trying to get her baby to latch and nurse, and on top of that she pumps a number of times a day. Additionally, she cloth diapers, which has resulted in a lot of time scrubbing them. While she cares for her own infant, she's been telling our son to watch TV or play independently while she does (previously she basically never offered screen time and was very interactive with him) and this has resulted in him being having multiple hours of screentime a day and also basically being by himself with less stimulation.It's begun to feel like my son is an afterthought. He says he wants a new nanny because "Nanny Name got a new baby, she doesn't want to do stuff with me anymore". I had a sit down with the nanny and explained to her that while we want to support her transition to motherhood and her parenting choices, she needs to be able to meet our son's activity and interactive needs while she's at work. I told her she needs to minimize the time she spends on her own child, suggesting that she exclusively pump at work and work on latch issues on her own time. I also let her know that she is to be fully clothed in front of our son at all times and that it is unacceptable for her to be walking around our home topless. I suggested that she use disposable diapers at work and save the more timely practice of cloth diapering for her personal time. I also suggested that she minimize babywearing on the job, to be able to be more free and mobile to interact with our son, offering to buy her a stroller or some kind of baby floor seat.Her response shocked me. She told me I was being unsupportive, that she thought I valued organic and natural parenting choices (I do), and that I was ridiculous for "sexualizing a child" for saying that she needed to cover her breasts at work. She told me this was a valuable lesson for my son in independence and sharing. I'm at a loss. Like... I'm not paying you to raise your own child. You're spending more time with your own child than my son. I don't know what to do.P.S. Please let me know if anyone knows of a sub that's geared towards childcare, I'm a new Redditor :) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2O1zPId
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