Cuddles from my toddler are the only time I feel any emotion

My dad died a week ago. I'm surprisingly emotionless about it. Have cried twice in frustration/anger, really, not sadness. I also can't seem to get any enjoyment out of being with my friends and family. I've tried relaxing by the pool, having lunch out with my mom (they divorced 35 years ago), and I just don't feel anything but stressed. There's so much to do when someone dies.The one exception is when my 2 year old climbs in my lap for cuddles or wakes up in the morning patting my face. It is so sweet and trusting and I feel genuine joy in his little hands and face. I feel like he doesn't expect anything of me so I can relax. It's exhausting to be trying to act like a human with everyone else. Plus, I'm not really sleeping, I wake up worrying about stupid things related to my dad's estate/bills ect.Anyway, I'm starting to worry I'm overrelying on my toddler. I don't want to be one of those moms who uses their kids to regulate their emotions. That's manipulative and disrespectful to their individuality.Tl/DR: My dad died and now I'm only happy when my toddler and I having quiet time together. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/30qqK0h