My Sister died 6 months ago and now I’m looking after both her kids

My sister died 6 months ago. Very suddenly. She went to sleep one night and never woke up again. It’s like cot death but the adult version. Our family is still very distraught and I’m a hot mess when I think about her too much.She has two kids, 6 & 8. No one in the family was able to take them in and look after them, they all have either extremely busy work lifes or raising kids (as am I)Someone has to take them in. None of us were letting them get put into care even though no one was really coming forward for full time care of them. Their dad died when they were young and this as well, it’s just tragic. I eventually stepped up to the plate and have brought them into my home. I have 3 kids, all girls. Twins (11) and my oldest (15).It’s been a hard adjustment. My husband helps out a lot as I’m a full time worker. Money has never been an issue but since I have to extra people I’ve found my self splashing the cash to make them happy and feel content even though a hole in their heart can’t be filled with presents.I’m struggling to say the least. They aren’t easy kids. I have 2 different school runs in the morning. Hubby picks them up. My kids are well behaved and I’ve never been “tested” as a parent until they came along.Last week. Bella (8) screamed at me because I didn’t give her a mobile phone, she seen everyone else has one and wanted one. Her rage got to the point she threw a remote at me. I almost smacked her but I knew I shouldn’t. I felt so guilty I almost did that.I feel like this anger stems from my sisters death. The both of them find ways to annoy and upset my family. I’ve tried to make them mine and it’s not worked, I’d never replace their mother but I want them to know I’ll always be their for them. My mom said she’s going to take them 3 days of the week from now on to help me out as I had to confide in her. I honestly can’t thank her enough. She’s good with them and they listen to her.I’m their Aunt and I love them dearly, I just hope my sister knows I’m tying my best with them and hope she’s happy with how I’m doing. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2DFzKXl