PPD rant

I've spent all day hating myself for the kind of parent I've already become. He's only 7 weeks old ffs. But it's been a rough few days and I'm so fed up right now.He won't be put down, unless he's dead asleep. He just screams. Great, I have an excuse to just lay in bed and snuggle all day, right? No, I just want my body back once in awhile. And when I do put him down my poor dog, who we've been basically ignoring since the baby came home, is immediately all over me. So I get to feel bad about that too.The last two nights he was fucking awake for hours at a time while I learned how people get angry enough to shake babies, so this morning when he started crying again the first thing I thought was "fuck it, let him cry." Who does that? How can I be so vindictive to him, he's so small and fragile and new and depends on me so much. I've really had to face up to how essentially selfish I am. A few weeks ago I loved him so much. Today I had to think really hard about whether or not that's still true. And then I look at him and hold him and apologize that he got stuck with me, that he didn't get a better mother, one he deserves.When I was 16 I swore I'd never have kids, for this exact reason. I knew then who I am, how did I manage to forget that? I can't wait to go back to work and have someone else take him off my hands every day. I feel like I shouldn't have done this, it was a serious mistake that now will fuck over this poor creature I created.And I know what this is, I really do. I'm already on Prozac for depression and anxiety, but I kept forgetting to take it so it's tanked out of my system. I know why I feel so bad, and I'm taking steps to fix it, but it doesn't feel any less real. And it feels awful. I don't even know what I'm looking for here, I guess I just needed a rant. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2eI0j30