Having a life after kids

Apologies for the long post. This is kind of a generalized frustration dump.So, married, 2 kids (5yo & 2yo), both of us have pretty demanding full time jobs. Simple summary is that between commutes, work, kids school & activities, & needing to actually get food cooked & laundry done, there is no time for anything else. Literally. And this is despite having a house cleaner who comes every other week, & having someone mow the lawn.No social life---haven't had friends over in months; don't even have the time to drop by the next door neighbor's, who have a kid the same age as my eldest, whom she loves to play with. We haven't been by for over a month. No time. I'm an extrovert, & the loneliness is killing me. I finally started working out again, I have a lot of baby weight I need to lose & was recently told I am borderline pre-diabetic. That's great & all, except I am now even more tired, & have even less time.Haven't had a date night since my mother last visited---husband refuses to get a sitter. (Last time we got one, the oldest was 2, youngest hadn't been born, & she cried the entire time the sitter was there till she fell asleep. Traumatized the poor babysitter. Since then, he insists on no sitters that aren't family---but we have no family living within 1000 miles.) Our 10th wedding anniversary came & went in June without a trace. No presents, no date, no nothing. Actually, scratch that---we planned our eldest's birthday party for that day (was most convenient, was a Saturday, she was born 2 days before our anniversary, how sweet, right?) so it took up all the energy, & then the anniversary went unnoticed.No time for sex more than once a week, quickly, on Saturday mornings or afternoons. Husband complains constantly (CONSTANTLY) that this is not enough. I would agree if I weren't so tired all the time, & if there was any other potential time to pencil it in. At the same time he refuses to move the 2yo's crib out of our room, because we have a 3BR house, & he wants her to have her own room, but that would mean no guest bedroom, so we are at an impasse. I want a guest bedroom so family & friends can visit, but that would mean she shares her sister's room. Which I am ok with, but he is not. (He grew up in a big family, always had to share a room with siblings, doesn't want his kids to have to.)I used to volunteer for a lot of causes I'm passionate about. Now I'm on the PTA but have had to slowly shed everything else, & I am miserable about it.I don't regret having kids, but I miss my old life terribly. I had friends who would drop by randomly & hang out. Now I can't meet people outside work unless it's scheduled weeks in advance, because everyone else is also this busy. I remember my parents having an active social life, & it was wonderful because they'd have their friends over, & the kids hung out in one part of the house & the parents in another. But my mom was a SAHM, & I had almost no extra-curriculars that weren't academic or religious.TL;DR: are there any working parents out there that manage to have friends, sex lives, volunteer, exercise, & also cook healthy meals & do laundry? And if yes, how do you do it? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2eWauh5