My college sweetheart and I have been together for 3.5 years and known one another for 5. A month after graduating college from (June 2015) I found out that I was pregnant due to failed contraception. I panicked as I was starting grad school that fall but eventually I came around to the crazy idea that I would have a little minion. Well, October 31, 2015 (yes, almost exactly a year ago) I woke up at six months pregnant and couldn't feel my baby. We found out the next day that our daughter died from what seemed to be a cord accident. Needless to say, we were absolutely devastated. It has only been within the past two months or so that I've started to feel like an actual person. We got a puppy in April (she's now almost a year) and I can say she's brought me back to life in so many ways. I look forward to coming home to her and spending time with her. On the opposite end, I feel like my husband is finally starting to feel our loss and as a result has baby fever. Don't get me wrong--our relationship is solid; however, I basically spent a year blaming myself for my baby's death (even though it was natural occurrence), trying to figure out where I went wrong and my life, and cursing the irony that is my life. After all, children weren't really on my radar and by the time I adjusted and got really excited, she was gone. It didn't help that my oldest sister and I were due days apart. She went on to have a healthy son, meanwhile all I have are ashes in world's smallest urn tucked out of sight, out of mind. Oh, two major things that I should mention: he wants two children. I can definitely deal with 1 but 2 makes me scared. We live far away from family so there would be a question of considering overpriced childcare or working opposite shifts. Financially we are doing fine with just the two of us but uhh it's just us and a dog so yeah....I suggested we get another dog and he looked at me like I was crazy. Also, I will be honest that I feel young even though I am extremely responsible and my lifestyle is far from wild but I guess...I was starting to adjust to my new normal and even if it is 2-3 years away, it still feels like soon? Am I being crazy? Sorry for the rambling and typos. I'm trying to navigate my tablet ( I usually use my laptop so this is not working out to well) WHILE being all in my feelings about the anniversary of our daughter. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2eSTaZI
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