We're a family of 4 with a 10 year old a 2 year old. Instead of gifts during gift giving occasions everyone gets 1 small token and we go on a trip. This has let us take countless vacations and we've had many new experiences. After being surprised with our youngest, we were concerned this wouldn't be feasible for a while. Sadly I think we were right.Our oldest was a dream baby & toddler. He slept though the night, didn't tantrum for toys, held my hand, listens and respects adults and is peers, basically everything you could hope. Now, we know kids are different, but the difference between our boys is almost shocking. We think it's a cosmic joke, but he's our baby too and we love him no matter what. We've never said "Why can't you just be like your brother!!" or felt any real angry at our situation. The biggest feeling we have is guilt, becasue we have not been able to help him and he's missing out on so much becasue we just can't seem to teach him.Our youngest has a very hard time communicating and only says 6 or so words and they are nowhere near comprehensible. For example:Cup is 'Uh'Down is 'Ow'Please is 'EE-Sah'Potty is 'peh-peh'Eat is 'EEE-EEE'More is 'Mah'He doesn't say Mama or Dada in the right context and just hits us when he needs us. This makes communicating with him very difficult. We are desperately trying baby signing (it's been 6 months now) and the only one he will use is "More". Every other sign he either ignores or screams "AHHHHHHH" when we try and use it while saying the name and using the sign together. It's as if the idea of signing frustrates him.He can sort of use the potty and had been interested in it for a while (cloth diapered), though becasue of communication issues he goes next to the potty, or sits and then goes after he stands. When we praise him and try to model it for him using the doll he, again, gets angry. We have NEVER pushed the potty and only bought it when he started taking off his diaper and pooping on the floor. Now we leave it alone and 1/2 the time he insists on using it and we have this whole issue.He refuses to follow anytime he's down and has no issue bolting away without looking back. Being down is a constant race and he will not hold hands. Touching him in any way while he is down results in an instant 'jelly legs' and arching back. Redirecting him to something else rarely works for more then 1 or 2 minutes. If he can't climb up on steps we try to get him interested in something else, we fail or it only lasts for a bit then he runs back until a meltdown of epic proportions begins. No mater how many times we remove him and come back to try again, the same thing will happen. 2 warnings, we leave and rest for 2 minutes, we come back and try again. After 2 times we leave the area and the next day we come back the same thing happens like clockwork. Always.This happens every time we leave the house or whenever his typical routine is altered. It doesn't even work trying to replicate it at a hotel. If it's not 20 minutes of badanamu ipad game time on his blanket with his dog in his room then the world has ended.We've tried taking him to large gated open parks with just grass and letting him just RUN for an hour and, while that gets him tired, it really doesn't help things much. We still involve him in everything we do. We shop, go out to eat, go to play dates and school functions and have an exit plan for when he melts down. He's only 2 and we're not ready to just leave him at home all the time and trade off our normal lives, leaving him in a bubble.We have tried TONS of different positive reinforcement-stickers, small candies, cookies, small toys he only gets for being good, ipad time and the issue we have EVERY TIME is he doesn't seem to get that they are only for when he does good and he only gets a small amount. The jelly beans start a meltdown if he doesn't get the whole bag, the stickers start a meltdown if he doesn't get them all, ect. Only offering 1 and withholding the bag/box from view doesn't help either. It's 'more' 'more' 'more' until the tantrum starts.We tried making a picture board for communication and tried installing one on his tablet. He doesn't really get that at all yet, but we're still really trying on that one. It mostly gets thrown.This all started when he started walking at 12 months and it just has gotten worse. His ped says becasue he holds eye contact, talks, doesn't stem or rock so he doesn't believe it's autism. He says some kids just develop differently and we'll revisit it when he's 3 or 4. I need a doctor's referral to get early intervention services. I have called the local office in our city and they have confirmed this.I know he's smart. He can count to 10 (I count and he points to the numbers, even when I say them in different orders), he understands so much of what we say and responds non-verbally to it while babbling. I believe he's expecting us to know what he says and hates it when we don't.I know he loves us. He'll crawl into our laps and bring us a book and we'll read to him. He gives kisses and we play cars. We play peek a boo and paint and color. He's so full of love and it just breaks my heart that we can't all be on the same page.We planned and payed for a trip to Disney World a year and a half ago, thinking being almost 3 would be a great age to start our traveling again. Now we're actually considering getting my mom to watch him while we go, and it's killing us.What are we doing wrong? What method have we not tried? We don't believe in corporal punishment and have read a ton of parenting books and we feel like failures. We don't give in, we always follow through and all it's gotten us is angry tantrums. How can we take our son to Disney World in 3 months when we can't even take him to the beach without chaos? I'm a SAHM and if I didn't have my weekly day off (thanks to my Mom) I'd have gone crazy by now.Edit: He's the same for my Mom, so she just stays home and never takes him anywhere. Honestly, I don't blame her.We have a trip to Sea World coming up in 3 weeks as our 'practice' trip. It's mostly looking at exhibits, one of us staying back from rides and playing in the splash zone for kids. We thought we'd be much farther along in helping is behavior and we're terrified.Please-any advice you can give. We just feel like failures right now. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2a53f5q
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