How do I stop being the "back-up" parent?

discussions on this forum has made me realize that I am the "back-up" parent, while my wife is the "default parent", i.e. "the one responsible for the emotional, physical and logistical needs of the children."We both work full time, I put the kids to bed half the time, and deliver/pick them up half the time, we try to split alot of responsiblity with the kids down the middle, so it is not super obvious that it should be this way to me, I mean I have spent 3-4 months with each of the kids(M/4 and F/6) while my wife was at work and the kids were not yet ready for kindergarten, so I do try to get involved.Still the kids run to their mommy when they need something, even if I am right beside them and their mom is upstairs.This is the source of most of the contention in our marriage, as it means that my wife gets little emotional rest.So I ask you r/parenting, what is your best tip on how to stop being the "back-up" parent? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2a4fG0r