Weekly - Things my kid said - to share all the things your kids say. - June 28, 2018

This is a weekly thread where you can share the things you're kid said to you that made you laugh/cry/go on a mad rampage.If you'd like to talk daily about things your kids say, feel free to visit /r/thingsmykidsaid via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KeJsEp

Is it actually harmful to teach reading "wrong"

My son is 2 and he's getting to the point where I think he might start learning to read soon. He knows the letter sounds and some combination sounds (i.e. ch, oo, ay, ai, oi) and he is taking an interest in words and what they are now.When I was probably a bit over 2 ½ I learned to read and it was with no specific instruction although I remember my mum ran her fingers under words when she read to me.Nowadays phonics is all the rage and a lot of people online say you mustn't teach your child to read because you will do it "wrong"... and... well I am not sure here. I didn't learn to read the way they teach reading in school today and now as an adult... it doesn't matter how I learned to read as long as I can read... which I can.I understand spelling is one potential pitfall - even today I spell words by writing them out enough times and somehow knowing they look "wrong" rather than by building them from phonetic blocks or anything. Obviously this means I am hopeless at spelling unfamiliar words. Equally I often mispronounce words I've only ever read and never heard actually spoken but I don't think phonics would help with that (my husband still laughs at me for saying "epitome" as epi-tome instead of e-pit-oh-me.I don't really find that a massive deterrent, I think having an extra couple of years to independently enjoy literature - and there's so much beautiful and beautifully illustrated children's literature about - is worth a lot more than doing things exactly according to the current scheme schools do it, which will probably go out of fashion in a few years anyway.But I am open to hear thoughts about it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2tIp1ol

Last night, my husband said he's "open" to the idea of a second child. I don't feel the same way.

Our mantra has always been, "don't even think about it until our daughter is 1."Well, she's 1! And my husband says that he's getting more interested in having another now that we're officially out of the baby phase. I feel like I'm moving more towards wanting to be one and done, growing stronger all the time.Our daughter is fantastic and easy, the light of both of our lives. But I feel like our family is complete. I had a terrible pregnancy and would be at extreme high risk for recurrent preeclampsia with another one. My postpartum period was equally bad; I was in pain for over 12 weeks. I'm still 10-15lbs overweight and have only recently felt like I've started to reclaim my body, in both form and function (I was athletic before I was pregnant). I have zero desire to go through the newborn phase again. I want to keep traveling, which I don't think we could afford with two kids. I don't think I have it in me to be a SAHM for more than another year or so, and want to be able to focus on my writing career again. When I picture the next 5, 10, 15 years of my life, I only see my daughter. Another child doesn't factor in at all, even in a wistful, possible, ghost-ship-that-didn't-carry-us way.Overall, I just feel like I'm happy and settled. I don't see us adding more to our family and I definitely don't see myself going through pregnancy again. My husband isn't really open to adoption (something I would consider much further down the road), so it seems like this is where we're at. But obviously I don't want to hurt or deeply disappoint my husband. We are a partnership and neither of our preferences exist in a vacuum. I know the question of how many children can be a major source of strife, so I want to handle it well.I told him that I wasn't feeling the same way and to his credit, he took it in stride. He agrees that we both need to be enthusiastic about the possibility of another before moving forward. But he basically said we could shelve the conversation, which makes me think he thinks/assumes/hopes my answer will be different in another 6-12 months...and I really don't see that happening.As an additional sticking point, his family is visiting and they put enormous amounts of pressure on us to have more. They won't be happy unless we have 3+ kids. They think only children are spoiled and strange, and the parents of only children are selfish and trying to "have their cake and eat it too." Not sure what that means they think about me (an only child) and my upbringing, but like they say: don't ask questions when you don't want to know the answer. So part of me thinks their influence is taking a toll right now, but I also don't want to dismiss my husband's feelings as illegitimate anymore than I want him to dismiss mine.Any experiences in this area or ideas for how to tackle it in a loving way would be appreciated. TIA. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2lG8YUx

BM of my step kids just made off with 3/4 of our kids stuff for her 1 weekend a month schedule. What are we going to do?! Long post.

We got a CO set up for my step kiddos, everything was happy until I read in the CO that my SO agreed to give her most of the kids stuff without reading how much, dispite her not buying them anything that they have now. What do I Do? My kids are left with a bag of legos and 4 stuffed animals.Backstory, this woman left for almost a year when her youngest was breastfeeding. Never came back. Never tried untill we served her with childsuport payments. I've been in my SD2 life longer than her birth mother has now. The older two boys had stoped asking for her, and then she comes back. Cool, as long as she keeps her word not to emotionally abuse/manipulate them like before.When she was originally served divorce papers and emergency custody order she got angry and fled state. Protection orders, court dates, and all the therapy she had to compleatw before she could see them again would have taken 3 weeks. We had it all set up for her, and she did none of it for a year. Her choice, What ever.She recently, after the child support papers came through, completed what she needed and asked to be back in their lives, but had nowhere to go. She got with her boyfriend and even through thwy broke up, shes still living there. We set it up with her to see them at parks and McDonald's and such for a few hours because she had no car and we didn't want her to have ammo to say we alienated them. We worked and worked with her trying to help, but she still threw fits and bought nothing for the kids, and only asked to see them once a month and a few phone calls a month. Girlfriend you live 4 minutes from us come on.Back to the title, we get everything set up for her. We help with court costs dispite us being poor too (college student and I'm a childcare worker. We have budgets down to a t). She still threw a fit and sweet talked the judge into putting in the CO that we had to give her most of the kids stuff so they feel at home at her house. Okay, I can give a tub of toys and our extra crib mattresses. We don't have more clothes that we need. We don't have more sheets than are on the beds. We don't have anymore beds than WE need. She came to our house to pick up the stuff and starts screaming that this was bullshit and not enough, where are the beds, where are all the clothes... what??She expected us to give her their beds, clothes, and most toys for her 1 weekend a month schedule. Umm no. I paid for those beds, I paid for those toys, I paid for the clothes while their father went back to school. Not you lady. The last thing you bought them as a pack of underwear because instead of washing them on a visitation you just threw them away. I showed her receipts and refused on the beds, but she made off with half their clothes and 3/4 of the toys we have. We called our lawyers and he just shrugged it off because the CO said she would have most. Not half, MOST. I'm so upset and angry!The kids were crying that she was taking all of their favorite toys, bedtime snuggle bears, and basicly anything I couldn't prove I bought while threatening to call the police if I didn't let her have most of the stuff, and she bought NONE of it.What can i do, or call places, to help rebuild the stuff we just lost?! We are so broke we budget to a t and I can't even spend 100 at a thrift store to make up for this. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ICFDDg

Toddler screams for what he wants, throws things if he doesn't get them, and does the opposite of what we tell him

i have a 16.5 month old who has been a very calm and happy baby. Since he started talking and walking and realised he has his own wants/needs and is willing to show his independence (of course normal for his developmental stage), he has had us dancing to his tune. We try to be firm without being harsh but nothing seems to work.When having breakfast for instance, while happily eating something he sees for example strawberries that he loves, he starts screaming for them till he gets them. He would just scream "strawberry" on and on until he gets it. And he will throw anything in his sight including his cup and food to express his frustration. I understand that these might be normal toddler behaviour for his developmental stage but it is hard, frustrating and mentally draining to deal with several times a day. I often say no and don't give in depending on the situation. I let him have his meltdown and explain or talk to him calmly and lovingly after, or distract him. But he will still throw things or scream at another instance in a similar situation.He even does things on purpose when he knows he shouldn't, for example he knows that having/throwing my glasses(spectacles) or phone are out of question, so he throws them ifever he happens to get his hands on them, despite most of the time managing to keep them away. He then laughs and runs away and if I ask him not to do it. He knows I am not OK with him throwing his cup for example but still does it on purpose, often watching for my reaction after. I try to respond in all the ways possible-calmly, getting down to his level, being firm or raising my voice a bit etc he will still do it, sometimes picking the item he just threw and throw it again. Ignoring the behaviour in that moment sometimes makes it die down at that time but he has this same behaviour the next time there is a similar circumstance. We are not OK with being strict authoritarian parents. We want to enforce positive discipline in a loving way but have no idea how to deal with such situations. Sometimes I end up screaming as a reaction to, for example, him throwing and breaking the remote and feel bad after.He often does this in public as well which is embarrassing and frustrating as well.Any tips to manage this? How have you dealt in such situations?Thank you!<3 <3 via /r/Parenting https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/8uih0n/toddler_screams_for_what_he_wants_throws_things/?utm_source=ifttt

My almost 3 year old is racist

So, this came out of no where. It happened today and a couple days ago. I took my daughter to the zoo and one of the bathroom stall was dirty and had pee on the seat. She asked me if a black lady did it. I was shocked and asked her where did she hear that from. She didn’t respond so I just let it go. I told her that it could have been anyone it has nothing to do with skin color.This morning, she told my wife that she doesn’t like daddy because he’s brown. It kind of hurt my feelings a lil not gonna lie but I seriously have no idea where she got that from. She’s mixed so she’s a little dark herself so it doesn’t make sense to me.She goes to my wife’s parents house every Saturday for some grandparent time and they never watch TV or have any type of screen time so I doubt that’s where she got it. My wife is a SAHM so no one else takes care of her. I am so confused as to where she might have picked up the dislike and negative attitude towards black or brown skin.All she ever watches on TV is Daniel Tiger and Peppa Pig and I have never seen anything related to skin color on those shows. Is it possible that it’s something she thought of on her own? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2IxMrSz

My wife spoils and treats her son like an emperor

He is the most spoiled child I have ever seen, she often puts him in a position where he feels it is ok to challenge my authority. An example of this is when he throws a tantrum, acts disrespectful etc. I ground him and tell him to go to his room, my wife ungrounds him, she does the opposite! I tell him he can play video games just 2 hours a day, and she lets him play longer, all day long.He is 7 years old, can't dress himself at all, he doesn't know how to put on a jacket, he can't tie his shoelaces, he can't even put his socks on. I have tried to teach him but he just refuses to learn because he knows mommy will do it all for him and I have talked to her about this but she just shoves it aside like she never heard me.My wife behaves like his servant, she does whatever he asks, feeds him whatever he wants, not what's at the table. He sometimes hits me when things do not go his way and doesn't let me discipline him for it, she defends him if I raise my voice, she doesn't even ground him when he hits her, instead she just goes with him to his room and they watch a movie together. He doesn't even want to sleep alone, she lays next to him and if she is not with him he yells "mom" outloud over and over until she comes and lays in bed next to him.I'm at a point right now where I just don't know what to do. I am trying to teach him what discipline is but whatever progress I make, she undoes it. I need alot of advise on this please. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Ki49Q4