My kids won't see their dad for Christmas.

We split 10 years ago because he's an alcoholic. He didn't show up to court, so I got full custody.Once a year, he asks that he have the kids every other weekend. He has a furnished room for them. I say, let's talk about what your life looks like, are you still drinking? (He constantly smells like liquor, his hands shake, he's been in jail for duis.) He immediately says he's never had a drinking problem, he doesn't understand why we split, why did I steal his kids, and I have no right to question him about his life.Despite wanting them to live with him part time, and the fact that I allow visitation whenever he asks, he's seen the kids a whole four times this year, about an hour each time. He's pissed that I supervise visitation. I've stopped arguing about it because he won't admit to his drinking, instead the kids know there's a no riding in the car with Daddy rule and I try to keep an eye out from as far away as I can.I asked him over a month ago when he wanted to do Christmas. Invited him to Thanksgiving. I've heard nothing from him in months.This morning, my kids ask, oh, when will we see Daddy for Christmas? I say I haven't heard from him, do you want to call him? Do you want me to call him? They say no, they figure he's busy with work. (We split when the kids were very young. I've never spoken to them about the reasons for the split, and my answer to them about custody questions is that custody was court ordered.)The fact that they seem fine with this breaks my heart. How does he live not being with them at all? He claims to want them more, but then won't see them when he can.I know alcoholism is a disease. At the same time, why can't he get treatment? Why went he try to make it better? It's easier to blame me for stealing the kids than take responsibility for his behavior, I know, and I've taken it. I pour over ways to keep the kids safe and also let him have unsupervised visits or partial custody. But I keep coming back to the smashed cars, the jail stays, the ways he was abusive to them when we were together, and I don't see how it can work unless he changes and I have proof of the changes. Does he spend this mental energy on how to fix things, and then keep coming back to, "there's nothing wrong with my behavior, so I'll refuse to see the kids on Christmas. That'll show my kid-stealing ex."I know this has been a grief inspired rant and it sucks to have it on Christmas Eve. Am I stupid to hold onto hope that he'll stop being this way? Do I call him despite the kids saying no? How can my kids grow up healthy and secure when their dad just stops showing up? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PUgyuD