No TL;DR because every piece of info is important.To start off, my child and I live abroad, far away from the ex. I don’t even collect child support from him in order to ensure he can never have access to my son. He was even paid an X amount to allow the baby to leave the country. I left the country for many reasons, but one of the reasons was because I believe with all of my heart that my ex would have hurt my child. To better explain this, you have to first understand that when we originally got together, we were both messed up and the relationship was mutually abusive. I got better and he didn’t. This is the short version.I found out that in his childhood, he was sent away to a residential home for people who are sexual deviants. Apparently he was writing rape fantasy stories about his step mom who used to beat him and prefer her 2 bio sons over him and his biological sister. He spent 2 years there and upon returning, his parents had adopted 3 other girls from Asian countries. Despite him being a minor for another year, his parents rented him his own apartment because “they wanted him to feel comfortable”. The bio sons of the step mom who were the same age as my ex, remained in the family home. I didn’t find this out until after we were married. During the course of our marriage he made some really weird comments. For example, he said he enjoyed rape porn, the more realistic, the better. Something happened in his adulthood that caused his adoptive father to go off on him and say that he never changed. Apparently the step-mom’s bio son made an accusation and that’s all it took for the father to turn on him, which further proves why they didn’t allow him back into the family home. His bio sister (whom he’s very close with and currently lives with) had to step in and prove the allegations were false.When my son was a toddler and was bouncing up and down, my ex made a comment about the baby taking it up in the butt, to which I cursed him out about.Here’s another thing, but first I’ll explain. I understand that parents bathe with their children and that it’s a normal everyday phenomenon. My son and I took a bath until he was about 3.5 years old. I found myself not bathing more than once a week because I was exhausted, so the best thing was for us to bathe together. My ex though, pushed bathing with our son a lot. He wouldn’t spend any time with him, and I had to put the baby in daycare (at 3 months) after he called me at work and said he felt like throwing him off the 3rd story window of our apartment. The only thing he would do was bathe with him, but other than that no other interaction. As my son got older, and I got a new job, he was in daycare full time. Months had passed since any bathing happened between my ex and son. One day, I was out of PTO and my son was sick. I had to leave him with my ex and go to work. I come back and once again, my ex told me they bathe together. But here’s the weird part. He said the baby was scared, but after awhile he calmed down. I didn’t really say anything. He always picked up on my facial expressions and reminded me that his dad took baths with him. He was adopted from Korea along with his sister when he was almost 4 and didn’t speak a word of English. His dad didn’t speak a word of Korean. Why would bathing together even be an option? I let it go and told myself I was overreacting. Then, a few months later, when my son was about a year or so, and we barely saw his dad due to the gaming and different work schedules, my ex is drunk AF one night. He proceeds to get naked and gets in the bath with the kid. Again, I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting. Out of nowhere, he started saying that it was normal because him and his dad did it. Something happened though. My son began screaming in fear after about a minute of so and totally lost it. The ex finally got the point and never tried bathing with him again. Another instance was him watching the baby in the bath once while I was in the kitchen. My son kept falling back into the water and since it was high, he couldn’t get back up. He was flapping his little arms and was barely able to keep his head afloat (the water was kind of high). I rush to see what’s happening and I see my ex standing over the kid with this creepy fucking smile, while the kid is in distress. After this, I started limiting the time they spent.Here’s the kicker. I don’t know why the obsession with the bath. He never helped with anything else. When I got my first real job, it was in the opposite direction of my old one. While my son was waiting for a placement for his new daycare, I asked my ex to watch him on his days off. He refused and said I would soon be expecting such favors on a regular basis. I shit you not, I had to commute 150 miles per day for almost 2 weeks.A couple months ago, the ex calls me and I don’t know how the conversation got there, but he starts talking about how my 5 year old can become a porn star. Maybe a gay one because they make more money. I was in serious shock. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He used to text me pretty regularly until he sent me some picture where I was seeing his underwear down his pants because he was showing me how much weight he lost. Never asked about his son, but starts making porn star comments.I don’t believe if my ex had access to my son that he’d full on sexually abuse him, but I believe he would do inappropriate shit which would still count as abuse.Another thing to mention is that my ex was beaten by his adoptive mom. Another weird thing his dad instilled in him was that kids should see their parents naked so that they can learn what real bodies look like. I find that very weird. Like, my son sees me naked sometimes, but I don’t go into a whole spiel about it.I may be totally wrong and overreacting, but I’ve trusted this gut feeling. I brought up these concerns to a friend once and she told me that since I didn’t think he was a pedophile when I was fucking him, I should shut the hell up. Not in so many words, but I got the point. This is the first time I’m publicly speaking out about it.What do you guys think? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KJC6qy
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