Help with 10 y.o. son who lacks confidence and it’s leading to an unpleasant personality and declining grades.

As the title says, I need help. My 10 year old is turning into a very dislikable person. He never ties his shoes, he only bathes when we tell him to, only brushes his teeth with toothpaste occasionally, all normal stuff so far but his personality is becoming a problem. He has two modes nowadays, either he is mopey because he doesn’t get his way exactly the way he wants, or he acts like an entitled brat because he got what he wanted. And he knows he can only gets what he wants by earning it with good behavior And grades at school.Our family has two expectations of him. Take care of yourself and your room, and make good grades without getting in trouble at school. Do those things, and we will handle the rest so he can play. I always encouraged him to play often, but always after his responsibilities. He’s a very smart kid. Up until recently he’s made all A’s for the most part with an occasional B. But when his accomplishments result in someone rewarding him (his teachers even approached us about this) he acts VERY smug and disrespectful. Almost aggressive with how he talks down to people. He regresses so hard when we give him a reward to the point where he gets into serious trouble with us, then he throws a temper tantrum for having the reward taken away from him. He threw this one at me on Sunday:”I’m angry with you because you always want me to do my schoolwork. Why can’t you understand that I don’t want to do it!” Then in the same breath he gets super offended when he’s not granted the privileges he can only earn with good grades, now that his grades and conduct at school are dipping.His room is a disaster. He’s not interested in anything anymore. And we’ve visited his school and met with his teachers multiple times to observe how other kids treat him and what we saw was that a bunch of kids consistently approach him to play and talk so he’s clearly not being ousted by his peers.He said some pretty horrible stuff to me on Sunday so I’m giving him the silent treatment for a bit until I figure out how to approach this situation. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret and I’m still fuming mad at his lack of effort towards his mom and me, and most importantly himself.I think if I build his confidence and teach him to respect and like himself more he will learn to treat others better. My struggle is that he knows how. He knows the difference between right and wrong, but he keeps pushing the same boundaries then throws a fit when things end up badly for him. He even told me before that he knows it’s wrong but he’s furious because he wants to get away with it.How can I help with his self confidence? I feel like at his age I can’t do it for him like I used to when he was little. The change that’s happened in the last two years has been really awful and I miss my happy son who was always excited to learn and spend time with me. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/35rHp6f