My fiancee and I agreed to be childfree. We agreed together we never wanted children and I proposed because we both wanted to be DINKS who travelled and lived down town.I thought we were getting engagement pictures a week ago and she pulled out a painted board that said (in our language) "now we are three hearts beating.....congratulations Daddy!" with an ultrasound on it.I feel like I'd been punched in the stomach.She's 13.5 weeks now tomorrow. She told me right after the cut off for an abortion, I guess so I can't talk her into one. I don't even know if I would have necessarily, but I'm angry she waited til it was off the table because it makes me feel backed into a corner and liked she's decided for me.Turns out her birth control failed. People get pregnant on depo-provera. Not very many. But she is one.(I haven't had a vasectomy as in my country, the won't do one if you are under 30. I am 29 next month. And well, I thought i had a long term partner who wanted to be childfree).She said once she heard the heartbeat on the ultrasound she knew she "was a mama and it was meant to be". I didn't think anything of her missed periods because with her depo provera she has very irregular periods. She had a bit of sickness but only for about 10 days and a vomiting virus was going around and I had it too I assumed it was that.She's upset and furious because I didn't get super excited in those pictures and am not thrilled to be a Daddy.I look like someone told me my life is over in the pics.Because I feel it is. I was childfree and she knew it. Now she's decided I'm a daddy when I never wanted to be a Daddy.One was workable because I have my hands over my mouth and you can't really see that I look like my soul has just been crushed. Now she is posting it and now everyone is expecting me to be excited, and I'm just not.I'm the "oops" baby in the family. I'm #5 that somehow showed up when my parents were 40 and and #4 was in third grade despite my mother taking birth control. My oldest sibling is 16 years old than me and I became an uncle at just 12. my parents would babysit the baby overnight and I remember being woken up 4 times a night and HATING it. I am now an uncle 10 times over. I love being an uncle but I've seen the reality of kids and babies and it has made me never want any. My brother closest in age to me has a 7 year old daughter and a 6 year old son and has openly admitted to me that if he really knew what he was getting into and what parenthood would do to his life, he wouldn't have pulled the goalie. He loves his kids but has had it is not worth it. I've seen some of the happiest and most loved up couples I've ever seen become irritable and snappy and barely able to tolerate each other. I've seen people who once travelled the world become limited to making sandcastles at the beach an hour away and looking dead in the eyes in the pictures. I've seen financially comfortable couple struggling.I love my nieces and nephews.But.I don't want this for my life.I know the truth - that kids is 98% grunt work for 2% fluffy Kodak moments.I don't want to lose being that happy couple. I don't want to lose being able to decide impulsively to get in the car and drive into the city an go to street festival without having to take a kid. I don't want to lose having sex. We are not rich but we are doing OK and i don't want to lose that.I don't want to potentially end up the Dad of an autistic or disabled kid or a kid with diabetes that needs injections. There is no guarantee our child will be healthy. A disabled child would be life ruining. I can't handle that. I don't want to go through newborn hell and barely sleeping the way I have seen my sblings. I don't want to deal with a tantruming toddler in the supermarket. I don't want to delay my retirement 10 years to raise a child. I don't want to trade in my dream car for a soccer-mom mobile. I don't want to get up early every weekend for soccer games and swim meets. I don't want my house to be full of plastic crap. I don't want my friend circle to be people I tolerate reluctantly because their kid is friends with my kid. I will lose my hobbies and my real friends. I don't want this lifestyle at all. I don't want to change diapers. I don't want to have a kid vomit on me. I don't want to deal with a teenager in my home. I am worried I will not be sexually attracted to my life after labour - my brother admits it happened to him and now he sees her as "mom of my kids" and not a lover or wife, and their relationship is basically co-parents not lovers. I don't want this. She already told me to delete my Steam account because I can't play Dota once I have a baby. FML.I'm not excited. I don't want to be a Dad. I don't know what to do.I am feeling pressured to be excited but all I can feel is that my life is now fucking over.I don't want to be a dad.Help.Has anyone been here? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Nw3dHY
No comments:
Post a Comment