Just about at a diagnosis - depressed

I'm going to try to be careful with my words here, because I know this is a sensitive topic - but my daughter (16.5 months) has global delays: while she is super social and engaging and loves people, she isn't walking, no words, only claps, no pointing or waving, no handing me toys, and overall poor gross and fine motor skills. I've been having some breakdowns based on just how much work this has been so far; 6 therapy sessions a week, multiple appointments for hearing, eyesight, Neuro, MRI, genetic testing, some spots on her spine that they want to look at again, the horrible process of getting HMO to approve these, the reports, the list goes on. I also have a 2 year old, and work full time. I DO NOT understand how working parents with special need children do this.​While I'm appreciative of all the doctors and therapists are doing, being aggressive in their approach in seeing what could be "off" with her and ruling everything out, I'm exhausted, and deep down up to now I had just hoped we were all being overzealous and it would turn out she's just slow and will catch up. But I'm really at my breaking point realizing that's unlikely. I feel pissed off, resentful, jealous of others with typical kids, and I'm coming around to the realization that I may really be in that mom club, of a kid with special needs. A club I always pitied and thought I was so far away from and could never be in. I don't want to go to the fun runs, I don't want to wear the Supermom shirts or the sticker on my car, I don't want to go to the support groups, I don't want that life.​In order to qualify for ABA she needs the diagnosis of Autism, so I guess we'll go that route if the MRI and genetic testing come back clear. We're still at a very confused and unknown state, because she isn't quite exhibiting any true autistic traits (besides lots of flapping when excited and the delays). Overall she is just like a 10 month old or so, in all ways. She seems extremely typical, just behind. She is failing the MChats.​I'm constantly measuring her head, it's been slower growing lately and at 25% and while my doctor isn't concerned, one other specialist was, constantly working with her at home feeling like I'm Anne Sullivan, and am constantly frustrated with her and myself, when she won't hand me a toy, or roll a ball to me. I could just scream when I see OT try and try, and I try at home, and she doesn't "learn". The only thing she has picked up on and progressed is her physical. She is now finally pulling herself up to stand, and taking steps with support, something she wasn't doing a month ago. That is incredible, but I would KILL to see her pick up more cognition. I'm constantly googling every syndrome I come across, studying her face and symptoms thinking it could be this or that. I'm going fucking crazy. I've gone into a depression, I can tell I'm losing it. I didn't WANT this. (I know no one does, so that's stupid of me to say).​I think I need to see someone for myself.​​ via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2S7l6Mb