I'm sorry to come here with a downer post. But I really, really need help and I don't have anyone I can speak to about how bad the situation is.My son is 7. He is diagnosed with ADHD and we are waiting to get in to the psych to get him on meds (Earliest appt is February).I am absolutely at the end of my rope. With life, with parenting, with everything. Every day I just want to run away. I don't want to try anymore and most of the time I don't. I think about my mom with 4 kids and am filled with shame--she was thin, happy, involved, a great housekeeper, and overall just a super mom. I love her and she is a lovely lady. I am nothing like her and I am failing my children and I don't know what to do. I am desperate for help.My son is a very difficult child. He has been since he was born, but instead of getting better, it's just....it's stayed horrible but just in different ways as he grows and changes. When he was 2, he could throw temper tantrums that lasted HOURS. Normal parenting advice about things like potty training and transitioning to big beds just simply did not apply to him.Now that he is 7, I have absolutely no skills left to deal with the unending barrage of chaos that I have to cope with. Instead of 3 hour temper tantrums, I get constant, unending, unyielding defiance about EVERYTHING. I don't think normal people understand what I mean and this is why I am so alone and so sad and so desperate for help. When I say everything, I am not exaggerating. I mean literally every request or directive that comes out of my mouth is responded with "no", an excuse, a negotiation, or just not responded to or complied with. It didn't used to be this bad but we are on a really tough streak for the past month.Aside from an absolute refusal to just say "okay" and complete simple tasks that benefit his well-being (such as getting himself a plate for dinner or putting his shoes on for school), he has literally no ability to regulate his impulses, plan his behavior, or follow instructions. It's getting to the point now where I honestly wonder if he just does this shit to me on purpose.I will give you an example of my day today:"Mommy can I have iPad time?""I don't mind if you watch a movie today but I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner right now. Your dad is going to have to help you get set up with that.""Can I use your computer to watch a movie?""I'm sorry buddy but my computer has all my recipes on it. Go to your dad in the den and he can get you sorted out."I turn around 30 seconds later and he has shut down all my tabs and is on Netflix.I subsequently lose my shit. I JUST EXPLAINED the situation calmly and he just doesn't fucking care. "I said to go to your dad! He can help you find the ipad I don't know where it is! You can't use my computer!" (I am literally in the middle of cooking 5 things at once.)So what does he do? He walked into his sister's room where she was sleeping, loudly asks her where she put the ipad, climbs on her bed to try and find it, and woke her up. So now she's crying.I LITERALLY TOLD HIM 5 TIMES TO TAKE 2 STEPS AND ASK HIS DAD. Like honestly what the fuck. This is how our life is, constantly. It does not end.I know the above example seems benign, but you have no idea. That was one 5 minute interaction and we have like 10 of these today, resulting in his sister crying, me getting angry, or his dad getting angry. Our life is constant strife because he cannot behave like a normal human being. Like, imagine how hard it is having a 16 month old that is mobile but doesn't have language skills mastered yet, so needs constant supervision and can't be expected to do tasks on their own, ever. That is my son, but for seven straight years without cease. I am fucking tired.Asking him to put his shoes on in the morning can result in screaming fits He will wander around not following instructions, argue, talk back, and when he's not doing that he's just an obnoxious pest. He doesn't care about how his behavior affects anyone. He doesn't care if he makes his sister cry. He is always the victim. Nothing is ever fair.He is 7 and throws temper tantrums more ridiculous than his 4 year old sister. Everything is whining and crying. I am so fucking sick of it. Like EVERYTHING you guys. I can't have a normal family because this child derails any benign, normal, typical, asinine interaction involved in the functioning of a family.I hate my life. I don't like my child. I don't like being a parent. I cannot meet his needs and sometimes I get so filled with rage I worry I will lose control and just completely wail on him. I have been physical with him in the past over this kind of behavior and I feel horrible. I am a horrible, horrible, horrible woman and mom. I never thought I would be like this. Instead of being a loving mother I'm angry, yelling, punishing my son. I've spanked him. I've pushed and pulled him. He is nasty and miserable to all the members of our family and many children at school.I don't know how it ended up like this. I made all his baby food organic, taught him baby sign language, didn't expose him to screens until he was 2, he attended a lovely Montessori school, went camping with us, got lots of love, hugs, kisses, and cuddles. But starting around age 2 he has turned my life into a living hell and I don't know what to do anymore. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FEYlxY
No comments:
Post a Comment