(This is a repost from r/legaladvice because I wanted to hear from parents who may be experiencing or have experienced a similar situation to us.)In order to provide all of the context, it’s going to be a long read and **this is a warning** that there’s emotional and verbal abuse and sexual grooming involved.My husband was once married to his first cousin. I’ll just drop that first bombshell. The reason why they even got married is because she started grooming him at 13 and she was 16-17 to be in a romantic relationship with her. Naturally, my husband was like WTF is going on, but she would send him cult literature and explain that she and him were the reborn Adam and Eve. If they weren’t together sexually, millions of their believers would suffer. One example that sticks out to me is when the ex-wife told him that they HAD to have sex or this one follower’s broken leg would never heal. She also would tell him that she was being hunted and followed by this religion’s enemies. She had her best friend call and pretend to be the followers. She and her friend would create multiple AOL usernames (yo, this happened in the early 2000s) and message him begging him to have sex with the ex-wife because they were in such suffering and only their relationship could save them.This happened for 4 years. When my husband was 17, he did end up having sex with his first cousin because she ran away from home, called him, said she was being followed, and he came to find her. At this point, she was 21 years old. From my husband’s recollection, she gave him ecstasy at a shady motel and when he was under the influence, had sex with him.He fell headfirst into the cult and believed everything she said. He ran away from home, got into a HUGE argument with his family, and left. He moved in with his first cousin and started a new life together. In his head, he truly believed that he was the reborn Adam and believed that his soulmate was this woman. He had always, always wanted a family, so he proposed, and they got married. At this point, his ex-wife told him to NEVER talk about the cult ever again or else the enemies will find them. She ensured that he had very LIMITED contact with his family and friends. She restricted all of his hobbies and made sure that she knew where he was at all times. If my husband ever tried to ask to see his parents for a holiday or event, she’d scream and yell. She’d berate him until he stopped asking. If he wanted to go see a friend after work for a drink, she’d yell and yell. But she kept up a farce. The friends and family she did allow my husband to see only saw her positive, lovely, kind side. Nobody really knew what was going on - only that my husband suddenly seemed to not do any of his passions/hobbies and seemed quieter.Flash forward to her being pregnant. My husband was overjoyed because he’s always wanted a child. On the rare night that the ex-wife let my husband see his friend, Phil, they were shooting shit about the new cult that sprang up in the news. Phil’s talking about the psychology behind cults and makes an off-hand joke along the lines of “Wouldn’t it be funny if that one girl who said her leg would never heal was actually just EX-WIFE?” Then, like in the movies, all the dominoes fell into place and my husband realized that one girl WAS the ex-wife and ALL the believers had been his ex-wife.My husband heads home to the 3 months pregnant ex-wife and confronts her. She initially tries to deny it, but then seeing how fucking upset my husband is, she admits to it all.Why do you need to know this context? Because she immediately files for divorce and separation citing irreconcilable differences. She has the baby, who is now 9, and my stepson who is a magnificent, brilliant young man. My husband has fought tooth and nail to maintain contact with his child, but at the time of the divorce, gave his ex-wife sole custody because he was terrified she was going to hurt their child if he fought back. He was so broken and confused realizing that his entire life he had lived for nearly 10 years was a complete lie. He did not seek an attorney to represent him because he was so shell-shocked. He was given a shit parenting schedule because of course, ex-wife hired an attorney.Flash forward five years, I meet my husband. He gives me the run down, no holds barred, every detail. As a public school teacher, I think his parenting schedule is incredibly unfair and suggest he should have it redone. He does and he is awarded with every other weekend, guaranteed holidays, rights to his son’s education and medical records, the whole nine yards. It’s fantastic. Prior to this, he essentially had to negotiate with his ex-wife anytime he wanted to see his son. He could not call each day and had to be flexible with when she wanted the child to see him. He had no rights to education, medical, or any holiday time.And then, not even a year after my husband’s granted all of these rights, the ex-wife shoots back with relocation. She claims that her new husband has found an amazing job opportunity in San Antonio and they’re all moving. EVEN THOUGH THE HUSBAND HAS BEEN COMMUTING FOR THE PAST YEAR AT THIS NEW JOB AND HIS JOB NEVER ASKED HIM TO RELOCATE. We go to trial. It’s brutal. Y’all, I would never wish what we went through on anyone. This woman LIED on the bench. Flat out, point blank, lied. When asked if my husband had been present for her son’s first year, she would vaguely say I can’t remember. When asked about the origin of their relationship, she would say I don’t remember. When asked if my husband had taken care of their child as an infant, she straight up said NO.The trial court judge believes her 100%, because sexism and our court system is broken. He grants the relocation. We file an appeal and in late October found out the appellate court affirms the trial court’s decision specifically because the trial court judge found the mother to be “highly credible.” One man’s perception of an event has completely changed our lives. Keep in mind, my husband was deposed about the abuse and grooming. She was also deposed, but responded with, “I don’t remember. I can’t remember.” Her legal counsel purposely did not bring up any of the allegations of abuse and our attorney insisted that she can’t bring up anything prior to the child’s birth.So, my husband’s son has been moved away from us and is living with this crazed woman who’s still trying to limit contact. She gate keeps when and how often their son calls my husband. Thankfully, the relocation didn’t completely undo all of the rights my husband won, so he’s guaranteed access to phone calls and video calls. We’ve sent my stepson packages and letters. They’ve either been opened by his mother and her parents or they’ve “mysteriously” never arrived.They are not responsive when we ask them for information. My husband’s son flies back during school breaks and we’ll ask for flight numbers, no response. There’s a number of details that we are not in agreement regarding travel and the new relocation schedule, we ask to meet in mediation to hammer things out, no response. What can we do? My husband and I are really disenchanted by the court system and do not want to have to take them back to court, but is that our only option to ensure the ex-wife is following the relocation and parenting time orders?A huge thing my husband and I have been pushing is to have my stepson go to counseling. Inevitably, he’s going to figure out his parents are related. Not to mention all the other crazy fucked up things she does (during the relocation trial, she coached her son to not tell my husband and I anything or they’ll lose AND my stepson has shared frequently how she STILL yells at her current husband and her current husband’s daughter from his previous marriage). Naturally, ex-wife is not pleased that we’re pushing for counseling. She insists that there’s nothing wrong with her child and does not need counseling. Our hands are tied because the parenting agreement requires BOTH parents to sign off on medical procedures. Any thoughts on what we can do?My husband and I both attend parents’ counseling to learn how to parent with a toxic co-parent. My husband is allowed to visit his son in the new city 3 weekends with notice and we’ll definitely take advantage of that. We also call and Factime each night and text, too. For redditors who have experienced or are experiencing a situation where your child is in a different state, what are your thoughts? How can we continue to support and be present when we are so far away? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PSXlLz
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