My daughter hallucinated for a year and a half and I didnt noticed

UPCOMING WALL OF TEXT AND BAD ENGLISH AHEADI was thinking if i should post this, right now I am in a situation i never expected to find myself in. As a mother I feel like a failure, but at the same time how was i supposed to know this was going on?My daughter(15) has been an inpatient in a psych ward for 5 days now. I havent been able to sleep well ever since this ordeal started. My kid has never been your typical bubbly child, she is stubborn, opinionated, sarcastic, funny with a dark sense of humour, popular among her peers, loving with her family and an excellent student. I havent seen this girl since mid November and I miss her terribly.My kids lost their dad and i lost my husband in 2016, we all went to family therapy and we would also have our individual sessions, as much as twice a week. His death was sudden but expected, he was diagnosed in january and gone by the end of march. He was never sick before this. We had tough times, my son struggled in school, I was a mess, my daughter felt like she had to keep it together. Slowly we are pushing through but the 3 of us are still grieving. Both my kids stopped going to therapy 6 months after my husbands passing, i was adviced by both their pediatrician and therapist that they should continue with their routines so i did that. I felt i was getting my kids back, my son was his gentle self again and i felt dd was slowly but surely coming around as well. The following year was very uneventful, both my kids thrived at school and they seemed okay.Fast forward to November my daughter stopped socializing with her brother, she stopped talking to him all together. Whenever he would speak to her she would ignore him or give him one syllable answers, her grades suffered but not enough to warrant attention from her teachers at first. She didnt wanted to go out wjth friends anymore, walk the dogs or really socialize with us. I was terrified that someone had hurt her because this change in her behaviour was so sudden but she denied it and said she was just tired, she was seen by a psychiatrist who didnt want her to officially diagnose her wjth anything, however he gave her flouxetine and alprazolam because she was having trouble sleeping. She was okay for a couple of days but noticed no change after a month.December rolls around and as always i sent my kids to israel with my family and i thought a change of air will do her good. According to my siblings she was okay for the first couple of days then she was withdrawn and would spend hours alone in her room which is not something she does whenever my family gets together. At this point one of my brothers, who is a pediatrician, was the first one to bring the words "i think ** is hallucinating" to the table. When i finally arrived i questioned her again, i asked her if she was seeing things because I mean how could i approach this? She said she was just feeling lazy, didnt wanted to talk and that she felt sad. I decided to take her to the ER, they changed her treatment and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at this point i thought this was a step forward. She stayed hospitalized for 3 days and seemed much better after 3 days of good sleep and was even looking forward to my birthday and a trip we had planned. Like last time this good mood lasted days then she was back and we had to return home earlier. There was a point by the end of december that she wouldn't even bathe herself. It was like bathing a doll, she was non responsive, she stopped eating and drinking and all i was told was that i had to wait sometime and give her meds time to work. I pressured for a different evaluation and the diagnosis didnt changed and they would just upp her meds. I was told that this was an episode and that it would pass.In january she started talking a little more and finally after new years she confessed to me, sobbing that she was seeing, hearing and feeling things and that she wasnt sure if those things were real or not anymore. She told me started hearing things a couple of months after her dad died but that at first she thought they were real, she would hear people at a party, music, dogs barking and random things but only in the house. Then she started hearing those things at school and everywhere she went, they were distracting but not enough to worry her. This continued for a couple of months then these noises progressed to mumbling and the mumbling to 5 distinct voices talking to her and giving her commands. Around august she started seeing a dog, a man and a shadow with big claws and big teeth. The dog and the man werent scary at first but then the dog became aggressive and with no fur on its head. The man with the claws however is the meanest one and would hurt her, he tells her not to talk to her brother because he would hurt him, he would tell her not to eat or drink or bathe and would tell her she is ugly and useless. She told me all of this very vividly but she kept asking me if everything was real. She also told me she has a diary where sje wrote all of her hallucinations and experiences but the man with the claws told her not to do it anymore.I took her to the ER the same night, with her diary in hand, she was seen by doctors who actually listened to me. I was told not to rush into a diagnosis, she was tested for epilepsy, lupus, MS (I have ms myself), cancer ( my mother and my husbands father passed from brain tumours), and other things. She is physically healthy and after days of tests finally she was diagnosed with schizophrenia early onset and was adviced to admit her while this episode lasts. She is expected to be there for a month. Ive been reading about this and all i can do is cry, back during the summer she was talking about studying architecture like her father and I and now she is committed with an uncertain prognosis and future. I know that all i can do is love her, help her wjth her therapy, provide the best treatment for her but i just want her to have a normal life. Its not easy to read how schizophrenics live even 20 years less than the expected life expectancy, or the high levels of suicide or how chronic and poor the prognosis is the earlier someone is diagnosed.I feel awful that i cant protect her, and i feel even worse that she was living a walking nightmare and me being completely oblivious to it. Is there any parents with children wjth severe mental illness? I dont have aby particular question i just want to be heard and maybe if you can share your stories with me. I feel like ive hit a brick wall. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Ea6vfF