Trying (failing) to set boundaries with the grandmothers

I'll try to be brief, since I could write a book on this topic.My mum and my MIL repeatedly ignore any boundaries I try to set. They ask what they can do to help; I tell them to enjoy time playing with the grandchildren. So five minutes later, they are doing my dishes. I shoo them away and tell them to play. Five minutes later, back again. I get a bit firm and say I enjoy doing the dishes. Nope, they still go back the first time my back is turned. I tell them I'm very particular about how I like the dishes done. That they don't do them the right way and I just have to go back and redo it afterwards so they are actually making work for me. They don't listen. My MIL just laughs it off; my mother gets huffy and says "I was just trying to help!". I don't like people coming into my house to clean it, and I think they are very rude not listening to me when I repeatedly ask them not to. In other examples, when I moved to my new house we unpacked everything etc. My MIL actually went into my WIR and changed where I unpacked my clothes, because she thought they were better in different drawers. When they put dishes away they don't put them back where they belong, they put them back where they would put them if they lived here. Then, for example if they put a chopping board in the wrong spot, when they find more chopping boards already away in the right place, they move THOSE ones into their new wrong spot. I keep saying "don't do it, it's not helpful" and MIL just laughs and does it again next time (even when my husband tells her off for doing it), and my mum gets snippy and in a bad mood.And toys. Oh my god. Our house rule is: very few "just because" presents. One present per family for each child for Christmas. Go nuts on their birthday. We don't like the consumerism that goes with Christmas, we aren't religious, the children know Santa isn't real (they are 5 and 2 but we never let them believe in Santa. They know it's a fun game and we play along but it's really mum and dad). So they each get a Santa sack of a couple toys and then things they need but are still fun (eg both need new backpacks but they got good quality ones that have patterns that they love. Barbie and Captain America). Mum lives 300mi away and comes to see us a few times a year. Every time, she packs her 4wd full to the brim of toys she's bought at garage sales. So now the children expect toys every time they see her. They even greet her with no hello, just "did you bring my toys?". I've tried telling them that we like seeing grandma because we love her (and of course they do) but she encourages them to be obsessed with the toys. And most of them are junk. Missing bits, broken bits. She gave my (then baby) a toy with a missing battery cover so the baby could just pull the batteries out (and the contacts had corrosion). So now, three days before Christmas, they have been given 3 massive tubs of toys that they upended all over the floor then largely ignored, and again my wishes aren't being followed. Also note: these kids don't need toys. They have two toy rooms, and some others put away that we cycle through to keep their interest. We go through regularly and throw away/donate toys they don't use any more. She has said that they are getting multiple presents for Christmas; one from her, one from her partner, one from her cat, one from her dog, one from her car.... You get the idea. Last year my MIL bought a toybox and filled it to the brim, saying "it's only one package!". I have told them repeatedly that I will throw away any excess (and I do donate them) but they don't care. When one gets wind that the other has broken the rule, they text me to say "WHY CAN THEY BRING MORE? I'M BRINGING LOADS NEXT TIME". No matter what I do, no matter how many reminders I give, or how firm I am, they don't listen. I tell them "remember, their birthdays are the time for lots of presents, save this for then!". I've tried suggesting books or clothes that I'm happy for them to buy, then I just get those AND toys. They don't listen. I need to do something that's more than what I'm doing but not so bad that I burn that bridge forever. But I'm so non-confrontational that I'm lost.I'm drowning in plastic here, please help. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Bw8qLk