I thought I'd stop wishing for my old life back but my kids are almost 6, and 4 and I still hate my life as a mom. I don't think it is PPD. Help?

I hated the first year because of the lack of sleep and the constantly crying (she was a fussy baby) and the strain the sleep deprivation put on my husband and I's relationship, but I assumed it would be fine once she got a bit older and was out of that first year. I found myself missing my old life - missing my job, missing the sex, missing having a social life, missing having some spare money, missing going on stressfree holidays, missing sleep.We always said we'd have 2 kids, and I got pregnant with my second when she was about 11 months old. Halfway through the pregnancy, I started to feel panic that I was making a huge mistake, but it was too late to go back. The toddler age was even worse somehow. By the time she was born, I wasn't even excited - I just felt this overwhelming sense of 'I ruined my life even more'.Again, I thought it would get better and I'd stop missing my old life, but I still do. I love them but I dislike them more than I like them, and I hate my life now and I hate what they have done to my life. If I had the chance to go back in time and not have them, I would jump at it.My oldest child is very high energy which is difficult to cope with because I am a pretty low energy person. I try my hardest but I find her so draining. She is also that child when it comes to behaviour. Before having kids, I though children behaved how they were raised to behave and that poorly behaved kids were the result of bad parenting. But my husband and I have tried everything and she's just defiant and naughty and doesn't respond to discipline. I can tell her 10 times not to kick the plane seat in front of her, I can threaten and follow through with loss of privileges, I can hit her leg....and she will still kick it for the 11th time. She's just....that kid, we've tried a few therapists who have all said there is nothing wrong with her, and she just seems to enjoy getting a reaction.My youngest child is autistic and thankfully he is high functioning, but his needs are so draining to deal with - he has a couple of obsessions and it is painfully annoying to hear him prattle on about them to no end, he is socially awkward and I am the parent of the "weird" kid no one likes so I can't even arrange mutually beneficial playdates for him because no one else's kid wants to play with him. It is annoying to always have to manage meltdowns because he gets set off by little things - like music he doesn't like in a mall. I resent the amount of money we spend sending him to autism therapy because it doesn't seem to do much. He'll never be bright and probably won't do much more than stack shelves or work at McDonalds, and in this economy, that means we will be supporting him long after 18.I wonder if I'd like parenting more if I drew different straws and got different kids. I never would have asked for these difficult ones. I'm always so tired and overwhelmed and we don't have family support - I'm and only child and my mother doesn't want to help - she doesn't like 'dealing with them' and OK, that is her right, but it's frustrating because I was endlessly dumped on her own parents growing up and she won't pay it forward now. My husband's parents are nice, but they live in his home country and we'd never move there for support because it's a poor and unstable developing country and there are safety concerns and no autism support. We looked into trying to get them visas to come here so they could live with us and help but they got knocked back. We are basically alone so we never get a date, we never get time alone, and we can't even watch TV because sometimes it sets out son off to hear it from another room and just. Ugh.And I'm just sick of it all - the driving them around, the taking care of them all the time, the cooking for them (and my son's sensory issues make him picky), the pretending to care about stupid ballet recitals. All of it. I hate it all.I hate my life. Everyone told me it would get better and it didn't. I don't want this to be my life anymore. And I don't want my son living with us when he is 30 but he probably will be. It is not PPD. I just hate my damn life. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Byqwwa