I thought I would share our short story with other parents out there. Hopefully it can help someone else who is figuring things out like us.Our daughter is 2 1/2. We have had two breakthroughs with her. While she is still far behind her peers and speaks at the level of about a 1 3/4 year old, she has come a very long way. She was diagnosed with moderate-to-severe autism at a young age of 1 1/2. She was heavily stemming: staring at her hands for 10 minutes; doing headstands for 20 minutes; meaningless echolalia: repetition of funny sounds, but no mimicking and no attempt to form words. She was not responding at all to verbal, not even flinching, and was virtually non-verbal until about 2 years 3 months.Then we had our first breakthrough. Three things happened:First, our daughter started getting in-home therapy from the Indiana First Steps program. This is state-funded depending on income level, and insurance may cover it if not (United Healthcare did previously in-state, but it may change now that I worked for a Canadian company with a Texas base in the US). The therapists have been amazing. Devoted to helping our daughter, and each with their own style to parenting and teaching that has taught us a great deal ourselves.Second, she started attending a 2s preschool. At school, we are fortunate to have a teacher that took things head on. My wife told the teacher of our struggles and our daughter's autism diagnoses, and asked that we be filled in from time to time on how she is doing in class. The teacher was more than happy, and has went out of her way to learn about autism and to try different approaches, not just to placate our daughter but to understand and challenge her as well.Third, unfortunately, my wife's mother passed away from a glioblastoma. While it is great to be loving parents and have a breastfeeding mother, school and having me be the primary care for a few weeks forced her out of a bubble and helped her learn to cope and adjust. I have never been an absent father, but having a breastfeeding mother can form a comforting attachment that is for the most part great, but at the expense of being less able to cope and self-soothe if that relationship is what deescalates all things frustrating or difficult in the child.A few weeks ago, we had our second breakthrough.Often when our daughter has cried, we often wouldn't follow through with what she was crying about. Recently when my wife was at the hospital when our second daughter had RSV, I took care of our autistic daughter). She started trying to put her shoes on herself and saying "help", which was new for her. Then that night, I wanted her to put shoes on again. She threw a fit, but I said "the only choices are to try to put on the shoes, or say help". She cried for 30 minutes, and just as I was ready to give up, she grabbed her shoes and started trying to put them on. That told me she understood what I wanted her to do and was capable, but she just thought she could have us do it for her by crying long enough.The next day we saw big changes right away. We also stopped singing her to sleep (she needs to learn how to cope / self-soothe) and we've been putting her in the corner to cry. She has been saying "help" throughout the day, she's been asking us to open the fridge, then saying "up" and then grabbing milk or food (and her appetite is better than ever), and she seems to be wanting to use words more than ever, like she is starting to see the value in it. And she is happier than ever. She gets so excited help: helping us cook, helping get her dressed, patting on her baby sister. When she accomplishes something, she shouts "I did it!".While teachers, therapists, and life situations were to credit for her getting this far, I finally feel like an accomplished father, and that we may have changed her trajectory. The therapists believe her diagnoses may be dropped and that she will be able to attend standard schooling.Today we had a cute and happy moment. My wife and I woke up to the first good snowfall in the region, just in time for the holidays. When I picked up our daughter so she could see out the window, she said "Wow! What's this?". She has never said "what's this?" in her life, but it was no longer a surprise. She still has a lot of verbal to catch up on to be able to interact with her peers better in school. But we are proud of how far she has come.TLDR;There are great programs and great people out there to help those that are struggling. And don't be afraid to challenge your child: show them love, but allow them to learn to cope by themselves, and set up an environment where they find it useful to make good choices, even if their screaming is making you deaf. Things may turn a new leaf. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2BY2qYI
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