My daughter's father and I have been divorced (amicably) since she was 2. Even when she was a baby, my daughter was being raised by a village. She's very, very loved by mom, dad, and grandparents, and has happy, warm, safe, trusting environments everywhere she goes. There are no unfamiliar zones in her life—no one has a weird house she's not used to sleeping in, etc.Her dad and I also have a great relationship and are good friends. There's really no tension there.She also has a great relationship with her dad. They're very close, albeit his somewhat different hands-off parenting style which I try not to be too critical of even though it's not my style. (ie. he won't take her to events and activities...they laze around the house watching TV or go out to eat or for ice cream when it's his time with her...meanwhile I feel like it's important anytime I'm with her to try and do something enriching, like playdates or the park or a game at home etc...I used to be very critical of him but then I realized he's not really doing anything "wrong" and she loves him very much, so I need to back off.)If it helps, my daughter will be 6 in September. She will be starting kindergarten a month before that.Anyway, for the past few months she has DREADED transitions and going to daddy's.Currently, it's almost noon. She won't be leaving for her time with Daddy until 6 or 7 and she is already crying about it.When I talk to her about it she keeps saying it's "different" and there are things she doesn't like. She compares being at his house with being at Mommy's house. Here, our Golden Retriever sleeps with her in her bed through the night. When she wakes up in the morning, we have certain routines depending on the day...weekdays, we usually get up, have breakfast, and go to grandma's before I go to work...weekends, she gets in bed with me with her ipad and watches videos or plays games while I sleep in a little bit.There are similarities to her bedtime rituals at dad's...at both mom and dad's she gets two short youtube videos and two books every night...in the mornings, she gets up and gets in bed with dad.Lately she's been saying it's "different" and she doesn't like it because the dog isn't there with her. (I've told her dad that she can take the dog with her, but he doesn't want the dog...sometimes if she stays at her grandparent's house she'll take our dog with her as like a comfort animal...old senior Golden Retrievers really are the best...)When daddy comes to pick her up she will start screaming and run away to hide. Last time as he carried her out to the car she was just crying and screaming "MOMMY MOMMY" and reaching out to me. He was holding her and just hugging her and telling her it was okay to be angry...then he put her in the car and took her to ice cream and according to him she was fine in 5-10 minutes.In general, she has a good time with her dad at his house. After she's been with him a few days, she'll come home and say she misses daddy but when he drops her off it's "NBD bye dad catch you on the flip side." But when she separates from me it's nuclear warfare.Any idea what's with this transitional issue? How can I help her be calm and not start freaking out when it's time to go to daddy's?She and I have talked and I can't really understand what's wrong...it makes sense to me that it's "different" and maybe she misses our dog, but it's not that different and it's not like she hasn't been going over there and sleeping there for years?? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2sQVyd3
No comments:
Post a Comment