TW: AbuseI'm going to keep this relatively vague for privacy and security.I'm a divorced parent of one child, and for some time attempted to peacefully coparent with my ex husband. In spite of his generally manipulative and narcissistic behavior, I believed that it would be best for my son to have both parents involved in his life, and that the best thing for him would be if me and his dad got along and worked together.His dad tried to gaslight be a few times in the beginning of visitation, which I quickly shut down by limiting almost all contact except for visitation.My son started getting sick when he was at his dad's. My son has a number of allergies and food intolerances, and like clockwork, he would come back from his dad's and get sick. I reminded him each time what my son couldn't eat and let him know he had gotten sick. Eventually it stopped.But other things started happening as well. My son was suddenly touching himself-a LOT. He starting wetting the bed again, and when he would, he would wake up and be inconsolably upset.He started becoming aggressive. He would get angry-extremely angry, and he would hit, pinch, and bite.Sometimes he would drop something or spill a drink, and he would take two steps back and look completely terrified.Sometimes he was just plain badly behaved in a way that was really out of character for him. He talked back a lot, growled, yelled, and would say things like "I'm going to hurt you!"Almost a year since he started having visitation with his dad, he was suddenly terrified of seeing his dad. I mean, screaming, kicking, crying to the point of almost throwing up. I didn't force him to go, but I tried to reconcile him and his dad.At this point, you're probably wondering what the heck I was thinking. My son is four, three at the time. I would ask him about these things, ask him if anyone ever hit him or touched him inappropriately, and he was say "no". Sometimes he would say "I can't talk about it". I would ask him questions and sometimes he wouldn't give an answer at all. And some of it seemed like maybe it was normal developmental stuff. Kids go through hitting stages. Sometimes they play with themselves around this age. Sometimes they're just brats when they're three. Plus, years of gas lighting and manipulation from his dad left me doubting my perception of reality and feeling guilty that it was somehow my fault, and that I was biased against him.Eventually my son and his dad reconciled, kind of. I left him at his dad's one day, much to my son's dismay, but he wasn't screaming and crying this time. And when he came back, he was joyful! Daddy had taken him somewhere special. He had eaten candy and cookies and drank juice.In hindsight, I know this was part of the abuse cycle. In hindsight, I feel a profound amount of guilt for not recognizing the signs of abuse.Now I know much of what happened. My son is coming out about what happened, and it's even worse than I thought. He sexually, physically, and emotionally abused him. He threatened him to stay quiet. I'm horrified and livid that this happened right under my nose.So this is what I'm saying to all of you, and I hope you live by it: Trust your gut. When you feel like something isn't quite right, listen to it. Investigate.Educate yourselves on the symptoms of abuse. My son never came home with a suspicious bruise, and yet I know he was hit only because my son told me. Everyone thinks that abuse won't happen to their child-until it does.Arm your kids against abuse as soon as they can understand-around two or three. Talk to them about good touches verses bad touches, and let them know that if anyone tells them to keep a secret from you, that they need to tell you right away. Also remind them frequently that they can always talk to you about anything.And if, God forbid, something ever happens, fight like hell to get it taken care of. CPS is a joke. The police are extremely limited on what they can do. It has been a long and arduous process getting legal action, and I am just now making real headway. But it's worth it. Anything is worth it to keep our kids safe.A parent's intuition is extremely valuable. Keep your eyes and ears wide open, and I pray that none of your children ever experience this type of hell. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2olkeaJ
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