Apologies in advance for the long, emotional post. I also tried to remain as discreet as possible in regards to names, sexes, and location.I'm a parent. I had a child with an amazing SO, but we just couldn't work together and now we're separated. I'm from another state, and have only been living in my current state for half a decade, and have always longed to go home because I have never been comfortable here. Our child is now coming of school age and happy, healthy, and such a sweet, level-headed human whom I love more than I could describe. Unfortunately, I have been very lacking in parenting in the sense that I should be settling in for the long haul, making plans for all of us (exSO and child) and our future, schooling, money, housing- everything. I have not been this person in part because I don't want to live in this state.Now, my former SO has lived here a long time, has a great new relationship with another person, with parents living here also. You'll understand why I needed to state that as you read further. I, on the other hand, have nobody here who is able to help make my living easier/happier/healthier. Actually, I only have a few friends (one of which will be moving to their home state after uni to seek work), if I'm being complete honest. My mental and physical health has deteriorated since living here, partially because I have a lot of bad memories here (from my childhood), partially because I'm young (20's), my family are in my home state, as are a good majority of my cherished friends, and thus I feel this has affected my life to the point where I'm beginning to break down. I'm about to finish my degree whilst living in a state that has very little jobs (particularly in my degree-field), and isn't what you'd consider a 'progressive' state. Many of my tutors/professors have stated themselves that working in my chosen field, the best states to practice in include my home state, and definitely not my current state (unless I only want to become an academic).My experiences going back home for visits are so positive that I feel noticeably better in health the moment I step foot in town. The only reason I come back is for my child. I know my city, jobs opportunities are vast, and the quality of life is significantly better than what I have in my current city. Rent is heftier, and reintegrating back into the lifestyle may take months, but the positives outweigh the negatives. Well, almost. My exSO has no plans whatsoever to move to my home state- and I do not expect them to. As easy as it would be to have exSO say "yes, I'll move there too", it's just not going to happen. I love my exSO, and exSO is a great parent (one of the best imo, but maybe I'm being biased). I couldn't possibly just take our child away to return home. It would break all our hearts. The only option left is that I move and leave them behind. Obviously, I don't want to do this, and I am already trying to think of ways we could make this work because I could never leave my role as a parent, and nor do I want to. Unfortunately, as the years have passed, I have only be taking steps backwards in health and happiness, and I know this is largely due to my longing to return 'home'. While I could stay here in my current state to live out the rest of our lives as a family, I know it's a real possibility that it won't be 'for the best' as I continue to deteriorate.I am talking to professionals currently (psychs), and explain where I'm from, why I want to move back, why I'm become less of who I am/want to be, and am potentially endangering my family and myself by staying here. Up until I mention that there is a child in the scene, they can't seem to understand why I haven't already left. It's unheard of, right? A parent leaving behind their family to move 8 hours (drive)/2hr (flight) away into another state to try and improve the quality of life. I can't imagine life without waking up to my child, but I DON'T want to imagine what will happen if I continue to live unhappily somewhere I don't belong. I'm not even sure I will move. I have never considered myself a selfish person, and have always put my child's best interests first. This would be the most selfish thing I could ever do. It might even make things worse, but if I never try I will regret it for the rest of my life. I know this. I'm trying to look for the answers, but there seems to be nobody who has ever had to make this decision (unless they didn't care/ never intended to see their family again, I suppose).Something of a hope appeared when my exSO told me I should do what I need to now, while I'm young, while I'm able. Has even encouraged me to seek further education (Masters/PHD) in my home state as it has the best institution (in my field) in the country. ExSO also knows that I'm longing to go home, however, has also been troubled by what will happen if I stay, and what will happen if I go. ExSO is amazingly supportive, and would not become malicious if I left, and has even optioned (though briefly) what sort of plan we could make if I left, knowing that I would never take our child and run. In the end, if I want to leave, that's on me and not our child.I hope I won't receive too much backlash by posting this, though I do expect it. What I'm hoping for is a way to see more clearly the consequences of either choice I make. Thanks for reading this mess of a post/situation. I hope it isn't too distressing. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2phybY8
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