My daughter has been with the same group of kids since Pre-K. She's smart and funny and not at all shy or timid like I was. When she was younger, friendship was easy. Whoever was around was who you played with, and whoever you played with was a friend.At almost 7 now, things are no longer quite so simple in her world, and I'm sad for her. We used to have birthday parties to go to every weekend. Now that kids and parents are more selective about their guest list, the invites are drying up. She's come home from after-care after school several times this year crying inconsolably because someone was mean to her, everyone ignored her, or my personal favorite "Nobody likes me." which leaves me pulling my hair out and banging my head into the wall trying to puzzle out what that means, and what specifically happened to make her think that.I know it's not true that nobody likes her, but I'm afraid that it might come to that eventually. She's in several activities with classmates outside of school, and I've taken the opportunity to watch how she interacts in those settings. We get to the gym for play rehearsal. A classmate will spot her and happily wave and yell her name. She gives the barest of acknowledgement. During girl scouts, every other girl will be huddled in one group, talking or playing a game, yet she is off doing her own thing, dancing in the middle of the room and singing to herself.What I feel is that she is slightly behind her peers on empathy and group cooperation. Oftentimes her "nobody wanted to play with me" actually means "I wanted to play this game, but everyone else was playing something else, so I played alone and felt sorry for myself about it." She understands her own feelings and how others can hurt them, but she doesn't seem to grasp that her behavior can hurt other people's feelings and push them away. Recently she told me about a friend at after-care saying mean things to her and wouldn't apologize, and how she spent the entire time after that crying and throwing a fit. She described how multiple other friends repeatedly tried to talk to her, calm her down, and encourage the other girl to apologize, but she just couldn't stop crying. What immediately stuck out to me about this was that she was so focused (both in the moment and while retelling it) about her own feelings and how she'd been wronged by one person, that she didn't consider how she was affecting anyone else. It makes me sad and frustrated because she can't see that she does have friends that care about her, and by the time she realizes it I feel like she'll have pushed them away.I've tried to be kind but blunt with her. I've told her that she has to first be a good friend before she can expect others to be a good friend to her. I've told her that when someone is always crying and upset, other people don't want to hang around them because it brings them down. I acknowledge her feelings when a friend is mean or dismissive to her, and I encourage her to tell them that it hurt her feelings, and to think about what she may have done to hurt their feelings and apologize. When we see her friends at after-school activities, I make sure to greet them enthusiastically and by name so that she can see me do it. When she cries about an unsuccessful social interaction, I try to instill that it's not the end of the world and she can always try again tomorrow. I'm at my wits end with how to guide her. I can't make friends for her, or I would probably try.I guess the reason I feel so strongly about all of this is because I see so much of myself in her. These lessons about friendship, empathy and cooperation didn't fully sink in for me until college. I want to try to help her learn quicker than I did so that she can have an easier path. Is there anything I can do to help her develop more empathy and pro-social attitudes? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2o2S18Q
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