Thursday, 6 April 2017

My daughter was hit and kicked in the back and head by two neighbor boys. How to deal?


Hi r/parenting,I am a Mom to two girls, 10 and 5. Two days ago my 10 year old went outside by herself to draw with chalk on our driveway. We live on a cul-de-sac bay of about 8 houses, there are 15 children ranging from age 1-12. It's spring now so the kids are out riding their bikes and stuff.We are good friends with our immediate next door neighbours, but mostly just passing "wave hello" acquaintances with the others. Friends on Facebook with a few Moms, that kind of thing. We are not acquainted at all with one of the families - the family with the kids that attacked my daughter. I have attempted many times over the years to introduce myself and chat with the Mom, but each time she has quite literally looked away, walked away, refused to even respond normally or kindly to a pleasantry. If we drive by each other on the way in/out of the bay, I wave, she keeps driving. She is a Catholic doctor who does Cross Fit, just to give you an indication. I have basically written her off as one of those ice queen bitches who thinks she is better than everyone else. The husband is nice enough, he waves, says hi and smiles like a normal functioning person.They have three boys. Already, I of course can't imagine what that's like. My girls draw, do crafts, playdoh, dress up and put on performances for us, sing karaoke, play school teachers and pet store owners and Shopkins and My Little Pony, ride bikes and scooters and do swimming lessons and piano. We are not on any level in a world where we play guns, war, fighting, play killing, that kind of thing.Ok. So these two brothers, 5 and 8, come over to her on the driveway. The 8 year old is on a bike and is riding around her, shooting a black Nerf dart rifle into the air. My daughter said he says to her, "I've murdered people with this gun you know." My daughter says, "with a Nerf gun, really" and he says, "YEAH YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?! I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!" and starts shooting the darts at her.The 5 year old jumped in and started kicking her hard in the back with his boot. She's a big 10 year old, she's incredibly quiet and passive, she said she thought that would be it so she kept her ground and stayed where she was. The 5 year old was like, "HOW ABOUT THIS!" and came around and started striking her body with his hands. Then he wound up his ninja kick, and kicked her on the side of her head!That was it for my kid, she got up and ran inside crying and sobbing, "they were hitting me! He kicked me in the head! They said they were going to murder me!" That gasping panicked cry, and she's not a crier.I went to go outside to get the situation, opened my door, and the 5 year old was on my front step and shot ME with his gun! I grabbed him by the arm, my daughter identified him, his Dad came running. I was extraordinarily upset, I told him what happened, he asked his kid if this was true, kid laughs and says yes. Dad says, Well you need to say sorry! Kid rolls eyes - "sorryyy". Dad says, No you have to say sorry! Kid annoyed eyeroll - "sorry!"The Dad says, "I'm really sorry." I yelled, "WHY WOULD HE DO THAT!" (daughter sobbing in the background). He says, "I don't know." I slammed the door hard on them and attended to my daughter.Anyways so my husband and I spend the evening deciding what to do. We go over there after the kids are in bed. The parents invite is in. We tell them the full story of what happened. They tell us how this isn't like their children at all, how kind their children are, etc. They apologize, lots of "I can't believe this" and "if this happened...". Ice Queen Mom doesn't say much. They said the guns are "obviously gone". We had to be the ones to say - It would be appropriate if your kids were not allowed to play out front for a while. She bristled and then agreed. Honestly they have acres in their back yard, this is not a hardship it's a safety measure.I don't understand parents like this. If my kids did this, their worlds as they knew them would end. Everything they love would be bagged up and put in the garage and earned back, item by item over weeks and weeks. These kids will have their rifles taken away.They asked about apologizing. I was nowhere near thinking about that, we asked them to leave it with us for a while to decide what is appropriate for my daughter. She cried and wrung her hands all night, and didn't want to go to school the next morning.I spoke to two neighbors and told them what happened. I sent FB messages to two others with details of the event. As far as I'm concerned, my daughter was menaced, threatened, and then physically attacked by these boys. It's not safe out there, my daughter was kicked in the head! We felt that it was important for the other parents to know what happened so they can decide how they want to supervise their children in the Bay.One of those people sent the message to Ice Queen Mom. So, we received an email from her "astounded" that we would "turn this in to such an episode by telling our neighbors such an exaggerated story". She said she was "sorry that (daughter) was intimidated by" the one that hit and kicked her. That she was "surprised they were so aggressive" with our daughter. She asked why my daughter didn't just tell her sons that they were bothering her! Like, in between kicks to the face, I guess.She professed about how everyone would vouch for how nice and kind her boys are and how this wasn't in their character. How her 5 year old was "tired and had a bad day". How they "thought they were just playing a fighting game."Naturally I wrote back saying that even if her boys thought they were "play fighting", my daughter was not "pretend kicked in the head." That I have a problem with a pretty advanced physical assault on my daughter being described as merely "intimidation" or "aggression", and the suggestion that she should have just asked them to stop if they were bothering her! I said that telling us they have never done this to other kids before means nothing to us, because they DID do it to our daughter. I also explained how the other parents have a right to know so they can govern their own families accordingly, and increase the supervision of play in the bay if they think it appropriate after an event of this seriousness.WHAT THE FUCK, r/parents? I'm sickened by these parents basically defending and trying to explain away the fact that their sons literally assaulted my daughter. If 15 year olds did this, they would be in custody. What else can I do to deal with this, both for my daughter who was assaulted, and with these VERY POOR parents. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2o1O8Pw

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