Saturday, 22 April 2017

Is my [33/M] girlfriend [33/F] of 1.5 years being reasonable in regard to our children? [X-Post to /r/relationships]


My girlfriend and I got together in December of 2015. In March, 2016, she was arrested for driving on a suspended license. Although we were only three months into a relationship, I paid $100 to bail her out. Why is all of this relevant? She lost her job and her car is currently in limbo at a mechanic. It's been there since about June, 2016. Either way, she's uses my personal vehicle to commute to/from work. I don't mind because I have a company vehicle for work, and a motorcycle if the need arises.This morning, my son [11/M] got a phone call from a friend wanting him to come stay over tonight. He was excited, jumped up and took a shower. We jumped in my car, and about five minutes down the road, I could smell my son. He had some pretty bad BO, so I turned around and went back home for him to correct it. (This is not his normal hygiene. He's just an 11 year old excited to go stay with his friend. He failed to scrub under his arms.) We get back home, and I told him to jump in the shower. My girlfriend got upset because she "would've just made him deal with it." I told her that was unacceptable. She said she wouldn't have treated her son [12/M] any different, which to me, is still unacceptable. I would've done the same for either of them, and she would've denied them both. Is she being reasonable? She's arguing that he was given the opportunity to shower, and we shouldn't have to sacrifice because he failed the first time. (She needed my car to "taxi" one of her friends around, which is why she was upset. We've talked about her using my car as a "taxi," but that's a whole completely different issue.)In addition, on Thursday night, we went to the skate park. It's at outdoor park and you only park about 50 feet from the park. My son jumped out of the car with his new shoes on. (They're ridiculously priced shoes that his mother bought him for Easter.) I suggested he wear his older shoes, and he said he was fine. About 30 minutes after being there, he scuffed his new shoes, and asked to retrieve his older shoes from the car. He swapped shoes, and on his way he went. My girlfriend had an issue with me letting him go back to get older shoes. She said, "He can either ride with the new shoes or sit out and watch everyone else." She said he like he should be punished for not changing when I suggested it.Is she being ridiculous or am I being unreasonable? I feel that hygiene shouldn't be a discussion, especially when he's never stayed at this friend's home before. I didn't consider the shoes issue because sometimes children have to learn from experience. He scuffed the new shoes, and learned the hard way.My girlfriend and I have been in an unspoken argument since. She's been walking through the house slamming doors, and finally, she took my car and left. I don't mind this time because hopefully she'll cool down.tl;dr: Is my girlfriend being unreasonable in treating my 11 year old, and her 12 year old, as if they're not allowed to make mistakes? (Please read the entire post before commenting. There's obviously more to the story.)Edit: I tried talking to her. She blew up because I won't say that I'm sorry for the entire situation. I told her that it's my car, and if I wanted to use it for the entire day, I would. She thought I was being disrespectful, threw a few things, and I told her she needed to leave because she's not breaking my belongings. She stormed out saying she was walking to her dad's, which is about 15 miles away. That was about 30 minutes ago. I haven't heard from her since. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2pRsGjX

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