I hate being a parent. My daughter is 2. Is this PPD?

I'm 25, married, and transgendered - so, I gave birth to my child, but I am one of her dads. However, I am pre-medical transition, so I still appear female (more on that later.)I am dealing with crippling, soul crushing, suicidal depression right now. But, here's the kicker: I can handle going to work. I can't handle being alone with my child. Unfortunately, we can't afford for my husband not to work too. So 50% of the time, I am a stay at home parent. And it literally makes me want to die.The reason I'm not sure this is PPD, other than the fact that I have been too poor to afford to go to a doctor despite the obvious need, is just that there is so much else wrong. There are so many completely valid sources of misery and unhappiness in my life atm, and unfortunately, my baby is the one person that has the right to demand that I put all of it on the back burner and take care of her. And at this point, I'm just filled with hate. I hate that I had a child. I hate that I let my husband, family, and friends tell me that I would love this little person and being a parent, when I have always known that I didn't want to have kids.So, what all else is going on? Currently:the fact that I am effectively pre-transition is killing me. I have been out socially for a year. My coworkers don't even know my old name. But I still get misgendered constantly, and often am treated to people's transphobic opinions on a daily basis because everyone forgets that I am transgendered, and often people just treat me like a lesbian or a weird girl with a boy's name.we are moving into my parents house for 2+ months. We are doing this because our lease is up and we are now behind on rent due to the increase. We would probably get evicted this month if we weren't pre-emptively moving. But, in addition to dealing with a move mostly solo (husband has been too ill/busy to contribute more than minor furniture moving) my parents also don't know that I'm trans, because they are the most trans/homophobic people I know and they will disown me when they find out.at this point I'm depressed because I'm depressed, and it's affecting every aspect of my life. I'm a shitty parent, a shitty partner, I'm disappointing at my new job, and the house is always a disaster (husband won't help, even though he spends as much time at the house as I do, under the same circumstances.)Obviously I need to see a doctor, but frankly... is it all just too fucked to get better? I'm so tired. I hate just being alive. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2o7Aexb