I thought it got easier at age 4

First time parent (and this will without a doubt be my only child). Looking for insight on how to enjoy being a parent.I swear I have PTSD from my child's infancy. I say that with complete seriousness. When I think back on this period or when my son starts to cry or throw tantrums, I feel so stressed out that my chest begins to ache, sometimes I tear up, my body just hurts. My son had severe colic. He started crying at about 2 weeks old and didn't stop until about 10 months old. He would cry for about 8 hours a day, sometimes all night long. I would routinely go to work on only 2 hours of sleep. To add to that stress, my spouse took a job that required full time travel, leaving me alone with the screaming baby for weeks at a time.Everyone said, "It will get easier. Hang in there." Sure my son doesn't cry 8+ hours a day anymore, but it really hasn't gotten easier aside from him being more self sufficient. The terrible twos were probably the only part of his life that didn't completely drain every ounce of energy from me. Threes were pretty bad but I held on to hope because everyone said it gets so much better when they turn four. Well he is four now. Still waiting to enjoy parenthood. I honestly did not think it was going to be this hard.I try to be honest, fair, firm, and consistent. We practice peaceful parenting in our house. I've had bad days where I yell. I'm not perfect. My son is the sweetest child with strangers, with other kids, with his grandparents. He has impeccable manners and is empathetic and kind when we are out and about. But when we are at home he is quite frankly a complete asshole. He screams and throws tantrums so loudly that I am surprised my neighbors have never called the police. In the entire four years of his life, I don't think we have had more than a handful of peaceful bedtime routines. Every single decision is a debate or an argument. I don't know what else to do at this point. I am profoundly depressed by how much I dislike being a mother. I love my son, but I hate being a mom. Please help. I cannot go on like this for 14+ more years. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2ehcfcE