I slapped my almost 3 year old daughter. I cannot believe I did that & I'm in agony.

I just.. I need to get this off my chest. I'm not asking for absolution or condemnation. I don't deserve the former and I've got enough of the latter to last a lifetime.My daughter will be 3 in about a month and extremely bright - so bright that she learned to read at about 2.5 and can read on the "See Jane Run" level. She is doing 48 piece puzzles and simple math. She's is loving, social, can be very sweet and I love her more than anything.She's also extremely defiant, difficult, and has always been aggressive with me and with other children - right from the beginning. I have researched a hundred behavior books and she's even going to start play therapy soon because it's just gotten out of hand and nothing much is working so I need professional help with this. Absoustely everything is a battle with her and she seems to see through it when I try to make things a game. All the usual stuff just isn't working.For the record, she's never, ever been hit until now.Last night she said she wanted a hug and I said, "oooh! me too!" and we hugged and bit me so hard on my boob she broke the skin and drew blood. There was nothing going on that would have led her to be upset or frustrated enough to bite. I was taken completely by surprise. I screamed in pain and shock and I slapped her so hard on her cheek that I left a red hand print there that lasted an hour. :(It wasn't my intention to hit her, there was no moment between pain and slap, it all just happened so fast. In fact she's bitten me a few times before and I've yelled at her and we've talked about not biting, about being gentle, etc.She's ok, but the look of betrayal on her face is one that I will never, ever forget. I'm a single mom and I'm all she has and it breaks my heart. She's a little girl. She's not even 3 year old. I am the ADULT here and I am the one who should be controlling impulses. WTF is WRONG with me!?What have I done? What kind of person am I? Does this mean I am a person who is prone to hit? Will I do it again!? OMFG, am I a danger to my daughter who I love more than anything? I FUCKING SUCK. Seriously. I think I deserve a break on this one. It's just NOT OK TO HIT TINY CHILDREN. EVER. Just because I was bit is NO EXCUSE! I AM THE ADULT here. I never, ever would have guessed that I would turn out to be a PATHETIC LOSER WHO HITS TINY KIDS.I made a mistake. I have to learn from it. I just have to get over the completely and utter disgust I feel towards myself.But what about my daughter? Have I taught her that hitting is OK? Have I betrayed her? Have I harmed her emotionally or psychologically?We cried together for a long time. I told daughter I was so, so sorry and that I loved her.I just have to move on and learn from this experience but I need to grieve for... I don't know. I just feel so awful and so sad.How do I make this right with her? And with me? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2eMi9hU