I've been in my stepson's life since he was eight. His real dad wasn't in his life much at the time, and while I know the step-parent is supposed to be a bit reserved in his role as a disciplinarian, I ended up stepping in and being more involved. I fell in love with him like he was my own son, and for the most part we had a pretty great relationship.Then his real dad wanted more time with him. I never got in the way as I saw what I thought was a man trying to be involved in his son's life and it wasn't my place to interfere with that. Even when my stepson would come home with stories about his dad talking shit about me, I tried to take the high road and be the bigger person and not let it get to me. Sometimes, I even pushed for him to go, because I thought his dad was sincere.Soon his grades started to slip, and he started developing anger issues. We knew his dad was kind of a jerk at times, but he always seemed pretty rational when discussing issues with the kid. Sometimes he'd get in trouble at school, but what teen hasn't? Well, we had to change schools because he and a friend lit a fire near a school and did some property damage. We recently had to switch him to an alternative school because he was refusing to do his homework. Our relationship went up and down, but things never really took a dive until last year.One night, he calls his mom from his cell saying his dad threw him to the ground and was choking him after an argument about his grades. She picks him up and brings him home, and I leave work to make sure he's all right. His dad calls his phone and his mother's phone nonstop until I answered and tell him I never once was disrespectful to him, but I will NOT allow him to hurt my stepson. I told him he was a piece of shit and to never contact us again or I would call the police. I should mention, I should have called the police right then and there, but for whatever reason I was mostly worried about getting my stepson calm since he was terrified. Turns out his dad is a thuggish, alpha male who thinks anger and violence are the ways to fix things. This was the first time he actually became physical. That was over a year and a half ago. He has not spoken to his dad since.He'll be seventeen in a couple weeks, and his behavior has become incredibly hard to manage. While the alternative school seemed to be a right fit for him, he recently got suspended for being disrespectful not only to his teacher, but to his counselor and the SRO.While he has decent manners with strangers and family members, half the time he treats his mother and I like dirt. When we call him out on his behavior, he refuses to see that the way he's behaving is wrong and gets mad at us for thinking so. We punish him, and hold him to it and it constantly seems like he just doesn't care.Last night, we ended up taking everything out of his room and told him we are refusing to help him with the incentives he desires like the Internet, phone, helping him buy a car, etc. etc...My relationship with him now is non existent unless he wants something. He looks at me like I'm an inconvenience to him (like I'm sure most teens are with parents) and makes it pretty clear that I bother him.I get that teenagers have issues. I get that some are harder than others. But, I spend everyday with constant anxiety, always worrying about how he's gonna end up. From the moment I wake to the minute I sleep, I have a horrible feeling in my stomach that I can't shake.Again, I can't stress enough how much I understand that a lot of parents go through this, but fuck if this isn't the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and sometimes I'm so scared I have to step away from my wife so she doesn't see me upset. I try to be a rock for her because his behavior kills her inside.I'll ask if his dad or lack of a relationship with him bothers him and he insists, no. I ask if he would like talking to a counselor and he laughs like I'm an idiot. I worry if I force him to go, he'll just shut down like he often does during confrontation.Sometimes I think, I wish I had a fucking time machine so I could just get to the moment where he grows out of this... but then I wonder, will he ever grow out of it?I love that kid so fucking much, and I never thought it would be this hard. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2en9li1
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