I grew up in a middle class home. Maybe even upper middle class. As a woman, I have obviously known friends/family who have dealt with sexual harassment/assault. It has always just felt like that is what was there. How you grew up, what is common, normal. Nothing worth complaining about because you are going to be violated. It happens. It wasn’t consciously taught, actually the opposite. My mom said this could happen and it wasn’t okay. But also, I think I understood that it was to be expected, but if it wasn’t too bad, just change your situation and move on. But there was support if I needed it. But there was always understanding that unless it was rape it was okay?? But I digress... I haven’t been able to turn away from the Kavanaugh hearings. Dr Fords situation is too close to comfort. At first I started thinking about my friends who have actually been raped. Then who were close. Then us who didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone because it wasn’t “enough” of a violation. I started thinking how maybe I didn’t get raped, I knew absolutely what it meant to be violated and that I hadn’t felt like I was violated quite enough to be a part of the #metoo movement so I hadn’t said anything, not even to my husband. But then, on Thursday, I started thinking about the fact that my daughter, who was blooming late and now kinda sorta hanging out with new friends at 15 years old, was my age when I was violated. When she was assaulted. When I was assaulted and had never wanted to go that far. I started thinking about my friends and how I thought “well, she was only cornered and kissed and groped”, “well, she was only fingered a little..” “well, she was only...”Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I literally, and being an upper class white woman, cannot think of one female friend or family member who has not been harassed, assaulted, or raped. And now I cannot stop thinking that my daughter just hit that age. She has a boy she likes on the bus that likes camping, just like we do. She likes spending time with her friends and she now has friends that are both genders. I have/had a TON of friends of both genders. A small percentage is all it takes to know that nowhere is safeMy biggest problem is that when I told my husband that I was super anxious and why, he said “well, she got assaulted at a party. H (daughter) just can’t go to party’s! It’s all good”. I tried to explain that every single rape or assault that I knew of did not occur at a party. Literally at a friends house while hanging out and a friends brothers friend took advantage and at a school play (that’s my experience personally), a date, just hanging out at home, at school, at a therapists office, being married to an abusive man, etc. nothing was “at a party with underage drinking”My daughter is here now. She’s gotten to this place that so many of us know. I don’t think my husband understands that if it does happen, it’ll be in a normal time and place and he can’t just “kill the kid that touches my daughter” or that she’ll avoid telling him because he thinks this way.What are you (men AND women) telling your kids during this time when it’s become so important that our girls know what to do when the inevitable becomes reality? What do I say to her? How do I get her to understand? I’ve used RAINN statistics and explained my side, but being from our area that is solid red and religious, it’s hard to break through the rhetoric. I need to do that my daughter doesn’t live how I did. I need my daughter to understand that she doesn’t just have my support, that she can trust in the system enough that she can come forward? I have been very vocal, but my mom was also (we are progressive liberal democrats. But the area not. We are working on moving) and it still all happened and I still didn’t feel comfortable about situations, but still felt responsible. Literally was at work so nowhere else to go, but felt responsible. It doesn’t go away because one person at home is supportive. So I just don’t know where to go from here.Edit: I don’t know what constitutes middle/upper class. I know I never worried about being homeless. Sadly, I feel like that’s pretty entitled at this point so I’m going to stick with upper class. Maybe it should say middle. We didn’t own any vacation homes, have new cars or whatever. I feel like we just weren’t broke and my dads job required having a new computer and having a printer that people used to print off their homework, my parents opened our home to immigrants and relatives that were worse off, so I just felt lucky and still feel like we were better off than most. I do remember my parents “being in the red” sometimes, but we always had food and a roof that we could share, so I always like we must be Better off. Don’t know if this affects the point but I felt like I was being kinda obtuse. Nobody went to private school, but most my siblings have good careers. So maybe I should’ve said middle class. My point was at the time, the thinking was “this doesn’t happen to us”. And the fact is that it does everywhere and people sometimes dismiss the idea that it could so I’m worried my husband is dismissing it now because we are still in a middle class area. It can/will still happen. If not to our daughter, to one of her friends. She’s going to come into contact with it at some point. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NVxn8R
