All the hard work pays off (long)

Before we had our son I never would have said we'd be strict parents. After all, I was raised by hippies in a ridiculously loving home, always surrounded by animals, with few strictures beyond the Golden Rule.Turns out, however, my husband and I are both sticklers for politeness, kindness, punctuality, cleanliness, inclusion of others, a strong work ethic, decent money management... basically we took my folks' philosophy and fleshed it out so we can make sure that in an age of absolutely asinine millennials we can be sure we're raising a decent, highly respectful human being. I have watched the show 'the World' Strictest Parents' and honestly thought 'eh... that's not that bad.' I'm not the easiest mom to live with, but I do give my son HUGE amounts of love as well as being tough on him sometimes.On to the good stuff. Kiddo is nine and a half now and we are beginning to see the fruits of our labour.We picked our boy up from an overnight camp yesterday. We asked how he did - did he behave with respect, eat well, participate, help others, etc... and we were quietly ushered aside. Uh-oh. Okay, what'd he break? Did he get into an argument about the name of some insect, vehicle, or dinosaur? Throw a pancake in the dining hall?Nope... nothing bad, something very, very good. He was SO good that they asked if we were thinking of having him back (for some, kids go every year, for some it's a one-time treat). We are already sending him again this summer, and as long as he wants we will send him every year. They said they were so glad to hear it, because he was so stand-out lovely -- helpful, engaged, super polite, positive, respectful (one counsellor said just having him around made them feel so happy; my heart just about burst) -- that they would like to invite him to join the junior counsellor-to-be program, so he could eventually become a counsellor.This is a place with a waiting list miles long just to volunteer, and they're incredibly picky about who they hire. We were bowled over. We know this isn't something that they casually say to just anyone -- we know loads of people whose kids attend this camp, and are quite close with some of the parents. We would definitely have heard about it if their kids had been offered this type of opportunity!Moral? If you're out there, actually parenting, working your ass off to make sure your kid behaves like a person and not a phone-headed, disrespectful, back-talking zombie, keep on keeping on. Be strict but loving. Teach your kid right from wrong. Take the time to explain WHY you're implementing a consequence for misbehaviour. Make it appropriate. Follow through. So many people don't, because it feels easier, but the short-term pain is SO worth the long-term gain. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2lJSQBf

"Ideal" age for child if divorce is inevitable

hi, we have an 18 month old daughter and are definitely getting divorced, we are still living together for financial reasons but want to do what's best for our child, is there an age that is the least painful/traumatic for a child in general? we think we should do it right away, even though it will be harder financially, since she is not fully aware yet and might not be as traumatized as she might be when she;s 2 or 3 or older, thoughts? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2MDzucx

20 year old daughter is spoiled and a bully.

Hi all.Me and my wife have one daughter, Emily. She's very pretty and smart, she was a straight A student and is studying medicine at one of the country's top universities. However, there is one issue that has been bothering us for a while. As much as we love her, we must admit now that Emily is extremely self centred.We know that it's entirely our fault. We were both very young and stupid when we had her. We did do our best to teach her right from wrong, but often we were very sympathetic towards her when perhaps we shouldn't have been. Looking back, there were times when we let go of a punishment because of how upset she was, and didn't follow through with a threat because she swore she was sorry. Obviously we now deeply regret this, and all I can say is that we were young and stupid.Although she did very well at school, there was a bit of an issue when we were called in and told that Emily and a group of girls had been bullying another girl, posing as a boy online and convincing her to send him pictures, and then spreading them around the school. Obviously we were furious, but she put on the waterworks and convinced us to let it go. She was also suspended for being caught with alcohol and cannabis in school, but swore that she wouldn't ever mess up like that again.It's summer here in the UK and we always go to visit my sister up north for a weekend, which we did. However, this year Emily asked if we can bring her boyfriend, Adam with us. She's been on/off with him since school days and my wife can't stand him. We said no, and she threw a huge tantrum and stormed off. It was so loud that we had the neighbour knocking on the door thinking a fight was taking place.Anyway, so we went to my sisters place, with Emily sulking in the car the whole time. My sister has a daughter, Olivia who is 13 and a great kid. However, yesterday we all thought it would be nice to let Emily and Olivia hang out in the garden. However, when I was helping set up the barbecue I overheard a bit of their conversation. Olivia said she'd love to be as pretty as Emily one day, and Emily's response was to tell her she'd need money and surgery to be anything more than ''ugly''. Olivia started crying and ran into the house. I thought that was a disgusting thing to say to a 13 year old. Olivia obviously told her parents and they were furious with her, and so were we.Emily did not apologise for her comments and insisted she was just joking. She then tried to cry and say we were all blaming her unfairly. We weren't having any of it and decided it was best to go home. We slept the night, then said our farewells to my sister in the early hours of the morning and left. My wife was still very angry with Emily and actually shouted ''Get in!'' to her as we got into the car, and by her reaction she was scared.We got home not long ago, and are at our wits end with her. She's finished uni for the year and is going to be at home until September. We love her so much and know that we're the reason she's like this, but even so, we'd like to do something to help her become a better person. We've talked about therapy but haven't brought it up with her yet, because we don't know how she'd react.Advice? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2yZscxN

Bi-Monthly Surveys and studies - July 2018

This is a thread for researchers to publish their surveys, polls or studies that they'd like parent's to participate.Moderators from /r/parenting are not verifying the sources of these surveys, so answer at your own will and don't hesitate to ask for more information from the original poster.If you want to publish a survey that isn't relevant to a parenting subreddit, please try /r/SampleSize. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2lMdYad

I felt my son kick for the first time

I had a wonderful day out with the wife, then we came home and decided to watch Godzilla. My wife was sitting in the chair next to me and she starts laughing, she said she could feel the baby moving so she poked that spot a few times and he did it again. I've been so jealous because recently she's been able to feel him. I put my hand on her belly for a few minutes, but nothing. Eventually I started poking, and then it happened, I felt a kick! It was a big one too! This was probably a waste of your time, but I'm so happy right now. This is our first kid, and I'm really happy/excited for what is to come :) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NfiKJU

Seeking other parenting subreddits

With a positive focus with ideas on how to be a better parent, activities, tips and things to try. My kids are 2 and 5 and though I read the r/Parenting subreddit often, I don't feel I get much of the above out of this sub or r/daddit. Any recommendations? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KvEeU6

Should I let my daughter dye her hair?

So my wife and I both have unusual hair styles. My wife has an undercut (the underside of her hair is shaved and the top is really long) and I have the top of my hair dyed bright red.Naturally, my four year old daughter wants to be like mom and dad and have “cool hair”.We live in Portland, OR where this type of this is really common. I work a white collar job and lots of the people in my office have dyed hair or other non-traditional hairstyles. It’s really common to see parents with unusual hair colors and styles here, so it’s understandable that my daughter wants to do the same thing that other people are doing.Personally, I don’t have much of an issue with my daughter dying her hair, but I wanted some general input and other people’s thoughts.Does it make me a bad parent to let my 4 year old dye her hair? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KkUacs