Bedtime Wars

I don't know what to do or if this is even the place for this, but it's almost 10:30pm & I am only just now getting in my own bed. My son is 3, and my husband and I are at the end our our rope with the bedtime wars with him. Every night is an hours-long battle, and we always lose. It's constant getting up. Well tell him to stay in bed, that he can have [whatever item] if he stays in bed for just five minutes, and he's out of bed literally before we even make it to his bedroom door.We've tried everything we can think of. We'll take away his snacks for the following day. When he asks for snacks & gets denied, we ask him if he knows why he can't have any, and he'll say, "because I didn't stay in bed." But the bedtime fiasco is always the same.We've tried positive reinforcement. He's got a sticker chart on his wall. After a month with admittedly loose rule enforcement, he managed to get five stickers and a new action figure. It's been three weeks now without a single sticker. Her verbalizes understanding of what the stickers mean & how to get them. He tells us often what kind of toy he wants when he gets his next five stickers, but still nothing.It's affecting our marriage. We both work full time. Work, come home, make/eat/clean up from dinner, some playtime, and then hours - quite literally hours - of trying to get this kid to bed. Screaming, crying, tantrums, a thousand requests to go potty (which are granted) or for more snacks (which are not). My husband and I cannot even watch one uninterrupted episode of a 21-minute sitcom on Netflix without being interrupted by our son's nonsense at leeeeeast 3-4 times. If we can't even get a mindless show in, forget ever having sex again. That's been weeks, and we've gone months. By the time we do get to bed, it's too late and we're both too frustrated and angry.Our boy is sweet, smart, and loving. He's never had a bad remark at daycare, he's gotten award certificates for following directions well. This willful noncompliance seems to be isolated to bedtime. Getting him to bed has always been a challenge even since he was an infant, but it seems to just be getting worse.What am I doing wrong? What can we be doing better? I don't even know who to ask for help on this. His pediatrician? My therapist? A child therapist? Strangers on the Internet?In case anyone is still reading and is interested, we have a daughter (1.5 years old) who is the perfect sleeper. We lay her down awake in her crib at bedtime & she rolls over and goes right to sleep. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We moved into a new house in October 2015, but he is no longer going through any other transitions. He's been full potty trained since March. He did start at a new daycare a few weeks ago, but the transition there was smooth. He and his sister both like it and are well liked there. He was having the same bedtime problems both before and after the new daycare.If anyone has any insight or advice, I'd be grateful. I'm desperate. Everyone goes to bed tearful and exhausted around here. Except my daughter, who sleeps through it all.TLDR: 3-year-old son will not go the fuck to sleep. Mom & dad are bleary-eyed monsters. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2aNUwEg

Dating (err breaking up) with children

Recently my boyfriend of 1.5 years decided to leave me, no reason why, just stopped talking to me altogether. Normally this would be ok, but I have a 5yo and so does he (also 5) and they've become best friends over the course of our relationship.Now, its been about 2 months since they've seen eachother and my child still asks about the other one multiple times a day. I usually just brush it off and say I don't know when we'll be seeing him next.How should I explain to him that he's more than likely never going to see him again? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2aEnozl

I'm the bad parent... According to my SO.

Didn't know if I should post this here or r/relationships. But it's focused on parenting/discipline so I came here.Basically, my SO's idea of parenting and discipline is different than my own. I don't agree with physical punishment. He has gotten angry at me before for defending her and "getting in the way" of him "disciplining" our 3 year old daughter. He thinks all she needs is "one really good spanking" so that she stops misbehaving. Because then she'll be scared of getting spanked. I disagree. She is only 3 and I feel like that's just how kids are... They make messes, they test you, etc. I don't think she is TRYING to be bad. I also don't think there is any reason to hurt a child, definitely not to teach a lesson.My SO also pulls our daughter's ear. He does it. All. The. Time. He does is hard. Every time I see him do it I tell him to stop because I know it hurts her. He doesn't listen to me and he doesn't believe it hurts her. He just did this tonight because my daughter dropped some peas on the floor and he wanted her to clean it up. She wasn't listening even though we asked her multiple times, so he got angry and jerked her off the couch (she was next to me, I was breastfeeding my 2 month old son, and because he pulled her away like that her leg hit the baby's head). I got mad at him that he pulled her like that and that her leg hit the baby and he just said that it was her fault for acting like this. Then he pushed her on the ground and tried to force her to pick up the food. When she wouldn't, he pulled her ear and put her in time out.He also said that it was MY fault because I gave her food. He thinks ahe should not be allowed to have her own plates of food. I think this is stupid. She is not a baby, she is big enough to feed herself. And if she makes messes, so what? That's what kids do. I don't care about messes as much as he does. It's not that difficult to clean. Last time this happened where he got angry at her for refusing to clean her mess, she was crying really bad because he put her in time out and I was trying to talk to her calmly so she would calm down. And he accused me of "rescuing her." When she did calm down (after SO went upstairs) I calmly talked to her, held her hand and showed her how to clean up. Then her and I cleaned up together. Easy. But he just gets angry and thinks she should be punished immediately if she doesn't listen.So, he calls me a bad mother. Specifically, he calls me the "weak parent" because I don't discipline my daughter. I don't hit/spank her. I don't even really put her in time out because I don't think she is old enough to understand time out. I don't think it works for her. My SO also says that because of the way I "rescue her" when he tries to discipline her, and the fact that I don't, she is going to be a bad kid when she grows up. He says she is going to turn out just like his brother (his brother is a criminal, currently in jail because he does whatever he wants, because he thinks he can get away with everything since their mom always let him get away with anything). I disagree obviously. I don't think I let her get away with things. I just don't spank her or anything like he does. I usually just try to tell her that she is not supposed to do a certain thing and explain why.What happened tonight was not even the worst thing my SO has done. There was a day we went to the mall. I guess my daughter started getting cranky because she started throwing a fit so we decided to leave. SO was carrying her to the car and she hit him in the face (he gets irrationally angry when our daughter hits him in the face because he says she needs to respect her parents...) so he was angry. As we were driving home, my daughter would not stop screaming and crying. Just throwing her fit. Of course I was in the back seat with her just trying to calm her down. He couldn't handle it. He pulled over into some parking lot and took her out of her seat and he said he was going to spank her and that I better not interfere. The first time he smacked her butt I could tell it was WAY too hard so I put my hand over her butt and he accidentally hit my hand. It was really hard. It hurt my hand, my hand was red and it stung for like half an hour I think. After that he just told me not to ask him for help with her anymore (his go-to line when he is angry at me for interfering with his discipline).There is probably more to this that I am forgetting but I think that sums up most of the issue. Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm the one who takes care of the kids 24/7. He barely spends time helping with them because he works all night and sleeps most of the day. So he really has no idea (in my opinion) what works for taking care of them. He isn't around enough to know. And I should add that my SO's mother was very abusive. So I'm sure to him what he's doing is nothing. I just don't know how to make him understand that what he is doing is not discipline, especially not for a toddler. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2aqbqwj

How to help 6 year old with a drastic sleep schedule change

I am the step mother of my 6 year old step son. He lives with us during the school year and spends the summers with his mom. He will be returning to us this week and my husband and I are looking for some advice to help him adjust his sleep schedule before school starts in 2 weeks.He is currently waking up around 1pm so our best estimate would be that he is falling asleep somewhere around 2am. At our house bedtime is 8pm and we wake up about 6:30am for school.Normally we are firm believers that bedtime means you are in bed even if you are not tired but realistically I think that is too much of a change for him to adjust to. Right now we are planning on a no screen (no TV or video games) policy after 8pm but don't plan on making him stay in bed.What time do we start putting him in bed, how do we adjust that time to get him on the normal schedule in < 2 weeks? Should we wake him up at 6:30 and try and make him stay awake? That doesn't seem feasible or fair to him.Last school year he was a great sleeper and he had no issues with bedtime, but by 8 has was tired after a busy day. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2agIhOd

Ethics and morals are different for mom and dad. How do I help my 9-year-old find the right path?

My kids' father and I have been divorced since our youngest was a newborn and our oldest was 2. We have very different parenting styles. My style is to teach the kids to be ethical, moral, responsible, caring, etc. My husband does the same. Lots of focus on the feelings of others and how would this make you feel?My ex focuses on doing things with them and not really teaching them, but when he does teach them, he teaches them to "get what they want". He will tell them that it's ok to lie as long as the other person doesn't find out. He shows them how to manipulate and rewards them for manipulations. (For example, if they say they love him more than someone else or that they hate someone he says he hates, he gives them ice cream.) His wife focuses on "being proper". For example, they have to sit at the table and give her this little please and thank you speech in exactly the words she wants them to use for them to be fed.In our house, we teach please and thank you but the lesson is about being thankful and appreciative and recognizing how you would want someone to treat you if you did something for them. Just different.Our daughter is about to turn 9 and we recently moved into a new neighborhood. In her effort to make friends, she has turned into someone I don't know. Where our daughter always was so kind and respectful, she is now being rude to her little brother to show off to these new friends. She breaks the rules. She is manipulative, dishonest, and snotty. As a result, she now has these two best friends. I don't like them. And I really don't like how she is acting.I have had a few conversations with her about how would she feel about being treated that way, but then she gets the total opposite message from her dad. And he is proud of her for being this way and making friends this way.Anyone have any good tips on this? I need to figure out if I am in the wrong here and this is really what I should be letting the kids learn, or how I get through to them to find their inner good person regardless of what one parent is saying. I'm just so confused and sad. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2aKgo6g

My 7 yo is very frustrated with me and doesn't know how to discuss her issues.

Last night, my daughter walked up to me an gave me a little gift (sidewalk chalk in an envelope). She explained with enthusiasm where she found it and I told her we would play with it tomorrow. Very shortly afterwards, she had been playing on her keyboard and mic toy for a bit. She then wanted to show me what she recorded as a song for me. It was a bit indistinguishable, but she explained that she's singing "i hate you mommy".I understand her outlet to express her frustration towards me is good. I'm glad she can use something. Though her song-making is very rare, so I dont see this as a continuing thing. But I was trying to have her explain why she hates me. She later admitted one of many things I do, that she doesnt like. But it was hard for her to share anything else she didnt like about me.Between her father and I, I am the enforcer. I try to make sure there's consistency and order. I've become way more lenient over time. Only, because my half daughter is a snobby teen that walks all over her dad to get what she wants, and I can't just exclude my daughter from having the same.Long story short, I don't know how to have my 7 yo open up to me so we can discuss things. She's made it very clear that Daddy is the fun parent. And I've nagged him and the family like crazy to not let things get out of hand. What do I do? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2amXP4Z

My 3.5 year old broke his arm on Friday.

He was climbing on a split rail fence and one of the rails suddenly buckled under his weight. He crashed to the ground and fell on his left arm. The broken bone wasn't immediately obvious since it wasn't a compound fracture, but he wouldn't move his hand and cradled it all the way home. My wife and father-in-law were with him at the time and they put him on the couch to let him rest, thinking he had just sprained it. After a couple of hours they decided to be better safe than sorry and took him to urgent care when he still wouldn't move it. The whole time between the fall and urgent care he didn't cry once, not a drop. I arrived there from work and walked into his room to find the nurse had just confirmed via x-ray that his arm was broken. It was a relatively mild greenstick fracture in both arm bones. Nothing too serious, but we are all concerned just the same.When he heard that his "arm was broken," he started sobbing. We suspect that he felt that he, as a whole, was now broken just like some of his toys. We temporarily reassured him that he, like his toys, can be fixed and be good as new. The splint went on and we carried him out of the medical center as he wept. We got home and he took a long nap. That night, he had to go to the bathroom about 15 times in a row at 5-minute intervals, not sure why...probably some residual trauma? Last night, he worked himself up into a tantrum and it was hard to get him to relax and go to bed. Keeping it on ice has been hard. Bathtime has been a source of anxiety.Today, we got a real cast put on and he was very calm and brave at the doctor's office. He's asleep now under grandma's care, the in-laws have left, and things are settling down (hopefully).Just thought I'd share this story. Hope all your little ones stay safe and don't let your kids climb fences. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2aqGmtG