Tonight my husband gave our 5 month old his first bottle of formula.

And I cried in the next room.Our little boy has been an angel since the day he was born, 3 weeks early and very jaundiced. The midwives all remarked that he was the most calm baby they’d ever seen. He was so sleepy that we’d have to wake him for feeds.On his second day of life, I asked a nurse for help learning to breastfeed (I am a first time mum). She looked at us for 30 seconds and said “He won’t latch, he needs formula”. My heart broke. As I signed the forms giving them permission to give formula to my brand new baby that I had planned to breastfeed, I sunk very low. A low that took a little while to come out of.2 days later, a midwife finally asked me to try again. He latched in 10 seconds. I was overjoyed! This was what I’d wanted the whole time! I could take my baby home and I’d breastfeed him and everything would be awesome.And it was. For 5 whole months. My little champion would be in bed asleep by midnight and sleep til 9am every single night. He never cried. The first time he cried he was 6 weeks old and we called the hospital in a panic, screaming “HE’S CRYING, WHAT DO WE DO?!”. The nurse then very calmly explained that, duh, babies cry. Whoops.The only thing he ever did that was troublesome, is that he fed every hour during the day from the time he was 2 weeks old. And I didn’t care because I got 9 straight hours of sleep every night. I was very happy, and so was he.We moved house 3 weeks ago and since then, everything’s changed. He won’t sleep for more than 2 hours. He screams for feeds the second that clock hits 60 minutes, no matter how long he feeds for.I’m incredibly prone to depressive episodes, and these 3 weeks have sunk me to a low I hadn’t been at since the hospital. Everyone keeps saying it’s sleep regression, it’s a growth spurt, keep at it it’ll be fine, but this morning, I reached the end of my rope. I went out and bought formula and bottles and everything, and I told my husband that we’re weaning him to formula, starting today. So maybe he’ll stay full. Maybe we can get some sleep.I feel so guilty. Giving up on something I wanted so much to get some sleep. Giving up on what made me so depressed to not be able to do. I know fed is best and I know that he’ll be just fine. But the guilt is weighing heavy on me. He took to the bottle fine. My husband loves feeding and burping him. I can finally go get groceries or have a shower whenever I need to. But the guilt is so heavy. I don’t know yet if it’s worth it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3cC31Af