My family doesn’t know my son exists.

The entire side of my family doesn’t know my wife and I have a son. It was my ultimately my decision whether to tell them or not. When my wife was expecting I just decided I would send a picture after birth as a SURPRISE you have a new grandson. Fast forward a year and I still haven’t told them.I’m in a same sex relationship and we’ve been married for 3 years and together for 6. My family is very religious and do not believe in my lifestyle choices. So I already know how they will feel about us bringing a child into the world. But I’m not even worried about that. What I’m worried about is my father.My dad is an abusive alcoholic. He quit drinking for many years but has recently started again. The good thing is that he is mainly just abusive to me. As a kid it was physical and emotional abuse but now it’s just emotional due to the 8 hour drive between us. As a kid (my memory is as early as 4th grade) he would get angry and beat me with his belt, throw stuff at me, curse me out and call me all kinds of names like fat, ugly, and unloveable. He would force me to eat minuscule meals, take diet pills, and run around the block while driving behind me. He would offer me money if I lost a certain amount of weight.Now, my father is a hot head and will just explode for little to no reason. Yelling, cursing, repeated phone calls, nasty voicemails, etc if he feels ‘provoked’. If he’s not upset we have great conversations and it’s actually very upsetting for me because I’m living this double life.I have to pretend that I’m not exhausted because my son who just turned 1 last week didn’t sleep well the night before. Or how I wouldn’t understand the stress my sister is under because she has a 2 year old during a pandemic. Instead I’m sneaking into the garage to call them or hiding in our closet to answer their calls (which isn’t too often). Not to mention, when they would visit us in the past, I would have anxiety attacks up to two weeks before their arrival. Worrying about what will happen and then on edge during the entire visit.I’m tired of living this double life. I want my family to know we’re raising this awesome, adorable, smart little human but I don’t want them to be a permanent fixture in his life. My partner is very supportive. She said it’s my choice and she is okay with whatever I decide.Im struggling with what’s right. Tell my parents about Xander or keep lying and dodging visits for my mental health (which is also mentally draining). via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3auqq5q