I silently cry while I lay on the floor next to the bed my children share.

I am lost and alone. I am homeless and staying with a friend. I’m trying to maintain a sense of normalcy for my two boys. They share time with me and their dad. Their Dad is someone who constantly makes me feel like a failure and constantly reminds me how horrible of a mother I am. I didn’t get here over night. I spent the last two years after spending 7 years trying to get away from him to trying to get on my feet. My youngest son has autism. I have struggled to keep a job since he started school 2 years ago. The school calls and I must go. And for that I have been fired. It’s been two months since then. Interviews and applications non stop and I haven’t been able to again one. Perhaps it’s because I have one outfit suitable for interviews that is outdated, ugly and doesn’t fit. I am months behind on bills.. I don’t eat anymore. All I do is try to keep it together for the boys. They’re strong and sweet and wonderful. They deserve better than me. I am nothing. They won’t remember me as their mom who tried to make sure they were ok but the woman who couldn’t make the cut. For this my ex will guarantee. I have been trying my whole life to get to a place I feel I can live. To live and breathe and be happy.. it’s all delusions. People say, “stay positive!” “It’s going to be ok”. But they’re the ones who have never struggled. They have always had it pretty well. They have rich spouses and family they can count on. I sit on a bank account deeply overdrawn. I think about ending my life every second of the day. I truly believe they will be better off without a mother than with me as their mother. I don’t know what else to do.. but to cease to exist. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GMgZBH