Dad of a 2 month old boy. Having depression issues.

I have a 2 month old boy. Hes my 1st child and it's been really rough on me. I love him so much, hes made me view life through a different lens. And I'm appreciative of him blessing me as his dad. But through lack of sleep and feeling like there's a lack of bonding between him and I have sent me into a depression. I work long days as an apprentice in a trade. I'm out of the house from 3:15am-5PM roughly depending on bay area traffic. I am so sad most days that it becomes a blur. When I get home I try my hardest to help my wife with him but I have a hard time keeping him calm in my arms as hes really fussy and always screaming unless hes asleep on my chest. But of course he can't always sleep. Somethings gotta give with me trying to hold him to relieve my wife. I know she's going through it too and I know my mood and depression isnt helping her when she sees me visibly distressed and always zoning out. I dont really have a support system through my colleagues because of the stigma of being a dad with depression, I'm expected to just go to work and be a man and suck it up but I am physically and mentally exhausted. My family isnt much help either, no real fault of their own though. I shut myself out from a lot of people because of previous experiences in my depression. My mom is helpful but I have hard times talking to her and my dad is one of the same with my colleagues as hes an old school dude in the same trade. And I find it hard confiding in my friends because most if them dont have kids at our age range (26yo). I dont even know what I'm sad about most if the times but its affecting so many aspects of my life. I'm not sure what I even expect out of posting but I just gotta get my depression off my chest. I feel so helpless and want to be a better husband and a better dad. But I have such a hard time being a better me first. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2sRnW14