Where to start. I'm having my second child in July and my sister had agreed to come for the month. Basically shes had a good job working on commercial ships and takes months off at a time. I'm due in the middle of the month, I wanted her there in case I have the baby early so I will have someone to watch my older child. My husband's in the military and we don't have any friends or family in the immediate area. Probably a month or 2 ago she agreed to be there, I told her I would ask one our great aunts or something if she couldnt do it. She said "no you dont have to do that I'll be there." So I was like cool and didnt think a thing of it. Yesterday I called her asking her what her plans are and when she planned to come and she told me she had an exam the first week(ok I understand you cant move that) Then she said wanted to take a celebratory trip with her friend the week after. I did my best to not tell her off or get upset. I did say you want to show up the 14th when I'm due the 17th? Later I messaged her and told her I would make alternate plans.I guess my cousins told her she was going to be a live in nanny for me for a month and she got freaked out so instead of talking to me about what I was expecting she decided to just casually flake. When I brought this up to my husband he told me that maybe it was because she felt I gave her too much responsibility with our older child (now 3) and pushed him off on her. Something I was completely unaware of. I honestly never even knew their was a problem so I felt, I think understandably, blindsided by being told I push him off on her. That's still something I don't really understand when I was always present. My assumption was that I was allowing them to spend time together and not being bossy about what she should do. I'm still not very clear on that but I really felt I shouldn't be hearing about it 2 years later when I can't do anything about it. Also it's been so long and I don't remember all the ins and outs because I never knew anything was wrong. I would have always been willing to change or modify, had she said anything. You don't want to do this or that, no big deal. You had something else in mind, again not a big deal. But she never said anything to me. She told me she could never tell me anything because if how I react. How could I react so badly to things when she doesnt tell me anything? Yes I am upset now but for a totally different reason. Everything I heard I heard from others years later. I feel I've been made out into some monster when the truth is my sister never says anything. She avoids any kind of conflict. I had a conversation about her avoidant behavior that didn't really go anywhere. I told her it's her job to set boundaries with others and basically I can't read her mind and she can't read mine. Some of the issues she though we were having she only had on her side and I was completely unaware of. Like she accused me of being mad at her for months, that isnt true at all. One time I found her annoying when she was drunk and I didn't think about it again after that. If she just brought these things up they wouldn't fester. Things wouldnt be left for years and months unresolved. She believes it's a difference in personality, I think her avoiding is the actual problem.In the end I just decided to let her off the hook. The kids are my responsibility not hers. Honestly I don't want to be in my time of need questioning if the person there for me is actually willing or not. She doesn't seem to be capable of being truthful about her feelings so she can just visit later. My mom told me she thought that was harsh of me, but I dont want to be in a situation where say we need to be in the Hospital longer and I'm stressed that my sister can't handle things. Or where I need to feel guilty if I ask her for help. I'll just look for someone who is really willing to be there. Or if that's not possible I guess my husband will be with our older child and I will give birth alone. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2M1O2r2
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