3 under 5 & PTSD

I have 3 boys. 5, 2 1/2 & 14m. I stay at home bc it's cheaper than childcare in our area, and we only have 1 semi functioning vehicle. I have CPTSD, and no health insurance. I do the best that I can to be a good mom, with the resources I have available. We get by. Lately I really feel like I'm disassociating into a damaging trend. I have been breastfeeding or pregnant for the last 6 years of my life, and am proud of the children I have raised. My youngest is going through a milestone of separation anxiety that seems to be triggered by his older siblings custody visitation schedule ever other weekend, my partner works 10 hr shifts on weekends. So the drastic change of a house of 5 to just me and the baby really stresses him out which in turn stresses me out. I have very little time to decompress from being hyperfocused on the needs of family and it requires a great deal of will power just to implement methods of self care. Baby was a late walker compared to others, but is really great at communicating. He is not a fan of being in a stroller or in a high chair at a restaurant, or in a cart of a grocery store. Lately I just order everything online to avoid the chaos of leaving the house. I've abandoned 2 stores today bc I needed a mop but he was screaming so loudly people began to look and this hightens my anxiety until I feel like a panic attack is about to happen. So Amazon you tha real MVP, wish you'd pay your employees more but heeeeeey.This is fine, everything is fine 🤠 /Solidarity via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2JFcXyE