I love my kids. I really do. Please do not take this the wrong way by any means but I also really need a mini-vacation with my husband. The kids are not invited! They can have a mini-stay-cation with one of their sets of grandparents whom love them dearly. We need a few nights to reconnect! We need that one on one time without little voices yelling out wants, needs, desires and crawling in between us every single time I want my husband to cuddle me like he used to before we had our girls.Most days I do not hesitate to put myself on the back burner because I recognize that as my responsibility as a mother but every once in a blue moon I want to be selfish. I want my husband to myself. I want to take a road trip, rent a hotel room for 3 nights, go to EDC Orlando, dance, party, just enjoy each other and the music like we used to BC... before children.My kids are honestly every part of my day when I'm awake. I devote all of my time and energy to them. After all, that's my job as a stay home mother and that obviously was what I wanted when we talked about me quitting my part time job. Sure, sometimes I miss adult companionship during the day that I got from working a few days a week before our youngest was born. My husband works a lot of hours to keep us a float on a single salary but he never complains. Sometimes he isolates and I wish he would tell me what he's thinking. Every once and a while, I even ask him but he chooses not to tell me. Maybe part of him feels like I don't have much of anything left for him when I'm done giving my everything to our children all day. I know we are both exhausted for our own reasons.He is so beautiful though. He really is absolutely handsome. We've been together for a little over 6 years, we've both aged as far as getting a few gray hairs and a few wrinkles in our laugh lines but I feel like he's more handsome now than when we first met. We aged just a little bit together and when I look at my wedding band I am reminded of the commitment we made to each other over 3 years.I watch him on his phone late at night when he gets home from a 10, 12, 14 hour shift, long after the girls are in bed and asleep. He watches videos on YouTube of cars or motorcycles that perhaps he wishes he would own. He listens to music videos of the EDM music he always listened to when we first got together. All of this by himself with his earbuds in. He rarely complains about any of this because I know he loves our girls as much as I do but it makes me sad inside. To know he isolates, doesn't want to talk to me for who knows what reason about what's on his mind. I feel like he's running from something internally but he won't tell me what it is. Maybe he's not running from anything and it's just my overactive imagination. I wonder if he's really truly happy with the way we created our life from when we met in September 2012 to present day. I'm sure he is, he is just more nostalgic than I am. More deep in thought whereas I'm transparent in my emotions.I still get caught up in awe with him, just like the first few days we met and started our friendship which turned to roommates then to lovers. Sometimes though, when I'm lucky, he offers me one of his ear buds and that's my favorite time I spend with my husband. We sit quietly on our porch just listening to music that we used to listen to before we became parents and dream these glorious plans about one day taking that trip together to EDC Orlando instead of Tomorrowland like we really want too because we both know we would enjoy it just as much and it would be much more feasible financially for us right now.I would not change my life. I love my children wholeheartedly but I also love and miss my husband. Neither one of us are exactly the person we were when we first met. I get irritated with some of his mannerisms but those are the little quirks that made him stand out to me before we fell crazy in love, before we had our girls. We still love each other and are very committed to each other but it's not that wild, lustful, passionate love anymore. It's like a mutual love of companion who have been through a lot together and never gave up, they just fighting for each other. Truth be told, I miss my husband. The one I first met with such a passion in his eyes before responsibility robbed him of that childlike wonder in his gaze. I'm sure he misses his wife too, you know, the one that was about 10lbs lighter on her feet with slimmer hips that childbirth widened, the one without stretch marks and all the jokes in the world because life itself was a joke to her.But then again, if you ask him he denies that he misses that wife because he loves the one he has today more. Those stretch marks and slightly wider hips gave him his 2 beautiful daughters that are the apple of his eye. He tells me I was too thin when we first met and he likes my body better now. Funny thing is I believe him. He may not always want to share his deepest thoughts but what he chooses to share with me is the truth.Here is my truth: I miss my husband. I want to just spend some time reconnecting what we already share and love about each other. I want to passionately hold each other. I want to make love to him like I have something to prove, like really blow him away. LOL. I want to see him in his glory, dancing to EDM music and just feeling the music like he always wanted to with me, BC... before children. When we were just kids ourselves. This will happen. One day, I promise I will make this happen for him and we will always share in that memory of each other when it does.For now, I'll accept one of his earbuds when we sit together on our porch and I will dream that dream with him until we can make it a reality. Our very own, mini-vacation. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2y4bqda
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