A recent personal story that gave me some insights into spanking (or more generally corporal punishment).

So, while we don’t hit our kids, I always thought that physical punishment was maybe ok in some circumstances.Then I had a personal experience with it.I recently started taking karate, as an adult. It’s a fairly traditional form, and the instructors use a lot of physical correction when teaching. Sometimes that takes the shape of a smack or a slap to the offending limb if there is an arm or leg in the wrong place.One day recently we were practicing punching. The instructor walked along the line, making corrections as he counted. He stopped in front of me.“No, reverse punch,” he said with a smile, tapping my arm lightly.He counted the next number and I repeated the movement I thought I was being asked to do.“Reverse punch!” He emphasized again, this time with a slightly sharper smack to my right arm.I looked at the woman on my left whose belt rank was higher than mine, she seemed to be doing the same thing that I was. I hesitated for a second, then did a reverse punch, focusing on getting it right.“No,” he said again in a tone of friendly frustration. He pulled back his hand and slapped my arm again.Let’s be clear, he wasn’t hitting me very hard at all. But I found myself getting really flummoxed by this experience.“Michael!” I exclaimed in exasperation, even though I should have been using a karate-specific title of seniority for him, not his first name. “I literally have no idea what you are asking me to do!”Instead of looking irritated, he seemed taken aback. It became obvious to me that he had thought his instructions were very clear. He gamely tried again, and upon his further explanation, I finally understood what he was asking for and I did it correctly.Fast forward a week.I have asked my daughter to put the object she is running around with down on the counter. She doesn’t obey me, instead she moves away from the kitchen towards the playroom. I ask her again - there is no playfulness here, I am getting frustrated and I’m raising my voice. I’m about to yell at her a third time when she looks up at me. And guess what I see on her face? That same puzzled and flummoxed look I had. I pause, recognition dawning. In a kinder voice, I ask a clarifying question. It is then I figure out that she was not disobeying me- she just didn’t understand which counter I meant.Where I am going with this is that in a situation that someone in charge is escalating, it’s easy for communication to break down. I am an adult with a lot of agency. I was taking a class with an instructor who is a social equal who is using physical correction very playfully and very lightly. And it’s consensual. Even so it took three smacks for me to tell him I had no clue what he was asking of me. How can we expect kids to do that when they are flummoxed or even worse, scared of us?Anyway, my point is - for anyone who is going to hit their kids, try it out personally first. Seriously. Even if you were spanked as a kid and turned out fine, have a refresher as to what it feels like for someone to use even very light and well intentioned physical correction in teaching you something. You may come away from the experience with the same thought I did, which is that it is amazing how often people are wrong. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ORyLtK