This issue has been ongoing for almost my niece’s entire life, but lately it’s starting to take a toll on us. Here’s the situation.My 4yo niece lives (mostly) with her parents, and paternal grandmother and paternal uncle in Alabama. I say mostly, since it’s usually like 8 months out of 12.The remaining months, she spends with her maternal grandmother and myself (28m) in Georgia.While with her paternal family and her mother, she is spoiled ROTTEN. I’m talking new, expensive clothes, toys, junk food EVERYDAY. She stays up late, She’s always at Chuck e Cheese or a theme park or whatever while she’s there.While she’s here, her maternal grandmother and myself spend months cleaning up the mess.We feed her healthy foods and tell her “no” when She makes demands. We buy her things sporadically. Her doctors are all based here as well, so we get to take her to all those appointments.Let me note here that there are complex reasons why her doctors are in GA, and her mother has given the maternal grandma full control over healthcare.Last week, my mom (maternal grandma) took my niece to the dentist. They found 4 cavities due to all the candy and junk food. Mind you, we’ve had her for a few weeks. She’s been in AL since November.My mom has subsequently put a stop to candy. Of course, My niece reacts like you’d expect a spoiled 4yo to act when she’s denied sweets. She pitches a fit, throwing things and screaming that her paternal grandmother lets her eat candy, (or stay up late or eat McDonald’s every day or eat dessert before dinner or blah blah blah.)One day, my mom tried to make her go to bed. she told my mom that she doesn’t love her and that she wants to go home to her other grandma because she lets her stay up.Today, my mom denied my niece a second banana. You can’t eat too many for potassium poisoning reasons (we all know this). She told my mom she hates her. She only likes her other, “nice” grandma and wants to go home.My mom is very emotionally sensitive and it’s beginning to hurt her feelings. She cried because it really got to her. She feels like my niece thinks her other grandmother is better, and that she’s “losing her”.She’s usually good at straightening out bad apples (my sister and myself included), so she’s fine with being the bad guy if it’s the right parenting move.The issue is that everything she does to put my niece on track is undone as soon as she goes home to be spoiled again. Then, when my niece comes back, she has to start over from scratch.My sister (her mother) isn’t much help, so it’s pretty much just my mom and myself left being the bad guys.We know it’s not our responsibility to be her parents, but I’ll be damned if we help spoil her. I don’t eat McDonald’s for health reasons, why would I feed it to my niece everyday?I personally don’t give a damn if her paternal grandmother and uncle are the “fun” or “cool” ones. I’m more concerned with making sure she turns out to be a decent human being. Even if I’m the “bad guy” that always says no.My mom, on the other hand is at the end of her rope. She’s not supposed to be the bad guy, she wants to spoil her grandchild like every other grandmother does, but realizes how important a role she’s left to play in order to balance her out.I don’t know how to comfort her maternal grandmother.I don’t know how to get her paternal grandmother to be sensible.We’ve mentioned this to everyone involved and no changes have happened. Everyone just does what they want or makes excuses.The whole thing is irritating me.Any advice?TL;DR My niece is spoiled by her paternal grandma, making her dislike her more sensible maternal grandmother. Don’t know how to handle the situation. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2HpnKeL
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