I'm a regretful parent also guilty of leaving the kids at daycare because I don't want them around. I hate myself. I wish I wasn't like this.

So I read the thread about the father leaving the kids at Daycare until the last possible second and am now feeling terrible because I'm also guilty of leaving my kids at daycare for as long as possible simply to avoid having them around and so they are someone else's problem. Firstly, the centre charges by half day blocks rather than by the hour, so it makes no difference whether I pick them up when I finish at 2pm or at closing time 6:30pm because I am into the second block and pay for it in full whether I use it all or whether I use 1/3 of it. I figure since I am paying for that time and childcare, I might as well let the diapers and the tantrums and the supervision be someone else's problem. I don't play video games but use the time to read and just enjoy the silence or get things done around the home or go shopping or run errands without having to take the kids with me.I love my kids dearly, but to be completely honest, if I had my time over again, I would not have children. It took having kids to realise that I am an introvert and that I can't stand having anyone, but let alone small children around me all the time, and my kids are so clingy. I knew there would be sacrifices, but I didn't realise just how much of myself I would have to give up, just how much having them would impact my career, just how much of my social life would be lost, and just how much I would find myself wishing I didn't become a parent. I love them and there are nice moments but I'd take it all back in a heartbeat if I could.They are 2.5 (twins) and I really don't enjoy having them around. They are very demanding and old enough to get into stuff and cause trouble, but still a bit too young to understand rules and reason. They need to be supervised every second. They are loud and never quiet. One of them always needs to be the centre of attention and it wears me down. I like having them around for about half an hour when I come home and then I just want them to go away. I love the, but I find them so suffocating. So I let them stay at daycare even though I am finished with work.I don't want to feel this way, but I do. I never thought I'd be this parent. I thought I'd be that parent who is a pinterest parent and loves spending their weekends at the park and taking their kids to do things, but I found myself being the parent who fantasises for their old life back. I thought I'd be the parent who relished family holidays at the beach, but I am the parent who spends 90% of my time dreaming of my old relaxing holidays to the Greek Islands or Japan, without the demands of children. I dream constantly of being free again. I don't want to feel this way, but I do and I know I am not alone. Those few hours where I can leave them at childcare are what keeps me sane.I don't know where I am going with this but I wish I wasn't a regretful parent. But I am. I've tried all sorts of therapy and they have all had the same conclusion - it is not PPD, it is just good old fashioned regret and wishing I made a different decision but being unable to take it back and coping as best as I can. Yeah. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2uSgWRL