3 year old pushing me to the limit

I have a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. After making it out of the tantruming twos, I thought I had survived the worst... nope. I’m really not sure how to discipline this kid. She’s defiant, sneaky, and just plain mean. I don’t like the personality she is developing, but can’t make any headway to getting her to become a better person. I am so tired of yelling. My throat is sore. The ONLY time she responds is if I’m using scary mom voice, which is really effecting everyone in the house. Spanking seems to get her to realize that she’s messed up or that I’m serious. I don’t want to b come that either. We try to positively reinforce but before we can get the praise out of our mouth she’s acting out again. I’m at the end of my rope. I love my daughter but I don’t like being around her and these issues are causing major disruption in my relationship. I really need some advice other than “yeah, 3 year olds are assholes.” via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GIBzFE